Category: vulnerabiliity

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fertility Loss Mental Health Trauma Trauma Uncategorised vulnerabiliity

Light in the Darkness: Interview with Layla Micheals, an Infant Loss Parent

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Light in the Darkness: Interview with Layla Micheals, an Infant Loss Parent 

At Doula School, one of our leading continuing education courses is our Infant and Pregnancy Loss Support certification program, which is such an important skill in our birth worker toolkit. Our gradates go on to support families who have experienced infant and pregnancy loss. It’s important to destigmatize speaking about infant and pregnancy loss because 25% of people experience loss at some point in their fertility journeys. We never want anyone suffering in silence.

Jessica Palmquist, our very own senior instructor and program coordinator for the infant and pregnancy loss programs experienced a unique journey to parenthood made possible through In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), which ultimately ignited her burning passion for fertility awareness and birthwork. Through her IVF journey after losing multiple embryos, she understands the importance of talking about loss and fertility struggles. With October being Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, Jessica Palmquist interviewed her best friend Layla Michaels, founder of Big Hearts Little Stars and she shares about the loss of her son Ryker and how she found light during her darkest time. 

Jessica and Layla’s friendship began in the early 2000’s when they worked together at a Lululemon pop up store in Moncton, New Brunswick. Nearly decades later, after both women went through Assisted Reproductive Technologies they joyfully were pregnant together, both expecting baby boys who would one day grow up together and be best of friends. Jessica delivered in October 2019 and Layla’s estimated due date was Easter 2020. Layla’s water broke unexpectedly at 25 weeks gestation and she was hospitalized. Layla was in constant contact updating Jessica daily. Two weeks later, Layla delivered her son Ryker who lived a life too short and he died in her loving arms. When Jessica received the news of Ryker’s passing she held her newborn son Hudson tighter than she ever had and sobbed uncontrollably. Her heart had broken that day along with her best friend’s. Layla and her partner Adam had big plans for their son and had already built a life for him. Jessica and Layla had dreams of what their boys’ future would look like. This is another side of loss that often goes unspoken – the loss of the future and the loss of a family’s hopes and dreams. Loss is more than the loss of a life, it is the loss of a life and so much more. Jessica regularly asks about Ryker and Layla gingerly shares pictures from Ryker’s short stay in the hospital and the mementos in their home. Whenever Jessica and her family have the opportunity they honour Ryker on his birthday, holidays, and whenever she writes a letter to the family he is included. Jessica has been Layla’s biggest cheerleader as she has been trying to conceive after her loss. After four long years, Layla is pregnant and Jessica is excited to meet Ryker’s baby sister. 

Get to know Layla, as she shares her loss story:

Would you like to share your story of infant loss?

We became pregnant with our son, Ryker, after two years of infertility and seeking out the help of a fertility doctor. The pregnancy was perfect, I wasn’t sick, and had that pregnancy glow and blissful ignorance thinking nothing would go wrong.  Until it did.

At 25 weeks my water suddenly broke and I was hospitalized. Then at 27 weeks our son Ryker was born via emergency C-section. He was 2lbs 7oz and a fighter! It was touch and go in those first few days, but then he turned a corner and we thought everything would be ok. Then overnight, he developed a brain bleed that wasn’t something that could be treated or survived. We spent the remainder of that day with him, surrounded by our families, as we said goodbye so soon after we had just said hello. It was heartbreaking. But also during that time we created beautiful memories with him and said everything we needed to say. He died in my arms after about an hour and half from being taken off life support.

What was your experience with our healthcare system? 

There is a big gap in experience across the country when your baby dies. But one universal area that I found is that there is not much direction or support for what to expect when you leave the hospital without your child. Your milk still comes in, you are still in active postpartum recovery, but it all feels very foreign and different when the baby you grew is no longer with you. The only check-up is the standard 6 week check-up, which felt years away.  You are trying to heal and trying to process immense grief at the same time and it is truly too much to handle.

What did you find the most helpful in your journey? 

I found the pro-activeness of friends and family to be what was needed. You often hear people say “if you need anything, let me know” or “call me” but when you are in the depths of grief, there is an inability to understand what you need, or have the courage or mental capacity to ask for the help. People would show up at our door with food, or to check on us, or the messages that came in reading “you don’t have to respond, but we are thinking of you and how you’re doing”.  Those messages made me feel open to talking and I would respond every time. Asking me about Ryker and using his name helped as well. My advice to people: “do not ignore what has happened, it may be uncomfortable for you, but it is far worse for the family who has lost their child and are surrounded by people who do not acknowledge the space they are living in”.

You’ve been supporting the pregnancy and infant loss community for many years now. What was your motivation to start Big Hearts Little Stars, an organization that supports families who have experienced the loss of a child?

My motivation for Big Hearts Little Stars was to fill the gap that exists when parents experienced the loss of a pregnancy or child. It initially began with donating books on Ryker’s first birthday, 10 books of stories written by Mothers to Mothers, and 10 of Fathers to Fathers.

It organically grew from there into what we now refer to as our Comfort Boxes. We supply both our local hospitals with large and small comfort boxes that include items to assist families through the grief process after their child dies. Items include a teddy bear, baby blanket, memorial candle, books for parents and young siblings, a booklet of resources (local and other) and some other meaningful items.

We also offer a private support group on Facebook so that grieving parents have a safe space to speak and ask questions with others who have been on a similar path.

What services does Big Hearts Little Stars offer? 

Directly we only have our support group, but we do have connections to a lot of community resources and access to contacts across the province. We will do whatever we can to assist families who reach out.

I have also gone to coffee with a few people, as sometimes it is helpful to have an in-person heart to heart when dealing with such an emotional and difficult time.

How did you find light in your dark time? 

When you lose a child, there is no hope for their future. You can’t hope they’ll get better or magically return home. The reality is, they are no longer here and nothing changes that. The hope or light I found was in sharing our story and the story of Ryker’s life. In sharing our story, I have been told that it allowed other people to find the courage and strength to speak about a loss they had suffered and had never talked about. In being open and honest about the experience it has allowed other people to feel less alone in theirs. That is the hope that I hold onto, the hope that if we are able to help one person feel less alone in their loss, that we can all carry the memories of our children who walk ahead.

What advice can you offer parents who have experienced infant and pregnancy loss?

Take your time, and give your grief the time it needs. This can mean many things. There is no rush to feel better, and no linear way that you will move through your grief. There is no moving on, but you will learn to put one foot in front of the other, and as you do you will always bring their memory with you. The grief will stay with you forever, but it will not always feel as raw as it does in the beginning. You will grow around it, and it will grow around you. I would encourage you to share your thoughts and feelings if it feels right to you, but if not, that is also ok as well. No two people navigate this the same way (including you and your partner).

Are there any resources or recommendations that you would share with parents who have experienced an infant or pregnancy loss?

There are a number or very good organizations within Canada, the US, and abroad that offer support.  Here are just a few:

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Centre (Calgary) www.pilsc.org

PAIL Network Sunnybrook (Toronto) www.pailnetwork.sunnybrook.ca

Return to Zero (RTZ) Hope – US based www.rtzhope.org

Saying Goodbye – UK Based www.sayinggoodbye.org

There are also many groups that are geared towards specific issues that may have effected the loss of a pregnancy or child.  Stillbirth, Preterm Premature Rupture of Membranes, Termination for Medical Reasons, and each of these (and more) have their own support sites as well.

What about the parents who want to try again after the death of their baby. What challenges might they face when trying again? Do you have any suggestions that might support them on their journey? 

I don’t think there is ever a right time to try again, if that is something that you wish to do. I strongly believe in therapy as it will help you navigate the decision and also the emotions that will come up during the trying process, whether that includes fertility treatments or you are able to conceive naturally. Once pregnant again, there will be obvious and not so obvious things that may trigger you along the way, based on your history with a previous loss.  

There is a really good app and website for Pregnancy after loss (pregnancyafterlosssupport.org) that I have personally found helpful while navigating this pregnancy. In addition, there is a great book called Pregnancy After Loss by Zoe Clarke Cotes that has day by day reading and journaling which helps families navigate their pregnancy after loss.

Is there anything else you’d like to share?

Take care of yourself during this difficult time. Set boundaries where needed, and know that your feelings are valid and you are not alone. When you are ready there is a whole community out there that will help you navigate the days, months and years ahead, and honour you and your baby.

 

About the Author

Layla Michaels (she/her), is a passionate advocate for fertility and infant loss awareness. She is the founder of Big Hearts Little Stars, a nonprofit based in Moncton NB, serving families who have experienced the death of a child through pregnancy to infant loss. Her nonprofit was founded in 2021 after the death of her first son, Ryker in the NICU in 2020. The mission of Big Hearts Little Stars is to bridge the gap felt by parents in caring for their grief after loss, and knowing they are not alone. Families are provided a comfort box from their local hospital with items and resources to assist them in navigating their grief, as well as an online support group. Layla has also volunteered with Fertility Matters on their East Coast Miracles committee, who worked to raise awareness, conversation and political pressure surrounding fertility benefits and access in the Atlantic Provinces. Her personal fertility journey has taken her through multiple procedures in Canada, overseas, and then finally having to seek treatment out of province. It is Layla’s hope that access to fertility care becomes more accessible for all persons wishing to grow their families, alongside compassionate care for families experiencing loss as well. 

Connect with Layla:

IG @laylabun   IG @bigheartslittlestars   Tictok @mamagotguts

Interviewer- Jessica Palmquist (she/her), Doula School’s fertility & loss support program coordinator and senior instructor works with a diverse population and believes education, reproductive health, and wellness services should be accessible and customizable. In addition to Jessica’s training as a certified Fertility, Birth, & Postpartum Doula & Infant and Pregnancy Loss Support Specialist, she is a certified yoga teacher and has worked in the public and post secondary section sector for nearly 20 years. Her own unique journey to parenthood made possible through IVF paired with a passion for teaching, learning, and helping others led Jessica to birth work.

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Categories
balance connection fear Mentorship vulnerabiliity

Conquering Imposter Syndrome: A Guide for Doulas

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text title=”Conquering Imposter Syndrome: A Guide for Doulas” css=”.vc_custom_1725986800661{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]Doulas play an essential role in guiding and supporting individuals through one of life’s most transformative experiences—childbirth. Their work is deeply impactful, yet many doulas grapple with imposter syndrome, feeling like they don’t truly belong in their role or doubting their abilities.

If you’re a doula experiencing these feelings, you’re not alone.

Here’s a guide to help you overcome imposter syndrome and embrace the incredible work you do.

 

Understanding Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome is the internal experience of believing that you’re not as competent or capable as others perceive you to be. It’s common among many professionals, including doulas. You might feel like you’re faking your expertise, that you don’t deserve your success, or that you’re going to be “found out” at any moment.

 

  1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

The first step to overcoming imposter syndrome is to acknowledge that it exists. Recognize that feeling like an imposter doesn’t mean you are one. It’s a common struggle and doesn’t diminish the value of your work. By admitting these feelings, you can start addressing them more constructively.

 

  1. Reflect on Your Achievements

Take time to reflect on your journey and accomplishments. Consider the training you’ve undergone, the clients you’ve successfully supported, and the positive feedback you’ve received. Keeping a journal of your achievements and client successes can help remind you of your competence and the impact you’ve made.

 

  1. Seek Feedback and Support

One of the best ways to combat imposter syndrome is to seek feedback from colleagues and clients. Constructive feedback can reinforce your strengths and identify areas for growth. Additionally, surrounding yourself with a supportive network of fellow doulas can provide reassurance and validation. Engage in peer support groups or mentorship programs to share experiences and gain confidence.

 

  1. Continuously Educate Yourself

Staying updated with the latest research and best practices in childbirth and doula support can bolster your confidence. Continuous learning helps you feel more secure in your role and ensures that you are providing the best possible care. Attend workshops, read relevant books, and participate in professional development opportunities.

 

  1. Set Realistic Expectations

No one is perfect, and it’s essential to set realistic expectations for yourself. Understand that you will have successes and challenges. Embrace a growth mindset, where you view challenges as opportunities to learn and grow rather than as failures.

 

 

  1. Practice Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend. When you make a mistake or face a challenging situation, acknowledge it with compassion rather than self-criticism. Remember, you are doing important work, and it’s okay to have moments of doubt.

 

  1. Celebrate Your Successes

Don’t forget to celebrate your successes, both big and small. Recognizing and celebrating your achievements helps reinforce your sense of competence and accomplishment. Whether it’s a successful birth, positive client feedback, or a new skill you’ve mastered, take time to acknowledge your hard work and progress.

 

  1. Visualize Your Impact

Visualize the positive impact you have on the lives of your clients. Think about the relief, joy, and empowerment you bring to families during a pivotal moment in their lives. Keeping this impact in mind can help you see the value in your work and remind you why you chose this path in the first place.

 

Imposter syndrome is a challenge that many doulas face, but it doesn’t define your capabilities or worth. By acknowledging your feelings, reflecting on your achievements, seeking feedback, continuing education, setting realistic expectations, practicing self-compassion, celebrating your successes, and visualizing your impact, you can overcome these doubts and embrace your role with confidence.

Remember, your presence and support are invaluable, and you are more than capable of providing the compassionate care your clients need.

 

 

 

Shandelle Ferguson (she/her)

Doula Canada Instructor, Labour Doula and Postpartum Doula

Certified Labour and Postpartum Doula (Doula Canada)

Shandelle Ferguson is originally from Newfoundland but now calls Nova Scotia her home. With a passion for changing birth culture in Atlantic Canada, you can find her chatting with other doulas, reaching out to birth professionals and helping new parents in their journey into parenthood.  Shandelle is a certified Labor and Birth and Postpartum Doula with Blossom and Birth Doula Services.

A mother to three, you can find her drinking coffee, or wine, and spending time with her family.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Categories
balance vulnerabiliity

The Self-Care Side of Doula Life: Avoiding Burnout with a Smile

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The Self-Care Side of Doula Life: Avoiding Burnout with a Smile

Being a doula is as rewarding as it is challenging. After all, who else can claim their workplace involves bringing new life into the world on a daily basis? But let’s be real, between the 3 AM calls and emotional support marathons, even the most seasoned doulas can feel the wear and tear. That’s why mastering the art of self-care isn’t just nice—it’s essential for survival in the doula biz! Here’s how you can keep your own batteries charged, dodge compassion fatigue, and manage stress with a grin.

1. Start with the Basics: Naptime Isn’t Just for Babies

Remember how parents are always advised to sleep when the baby sleeps? Well, doulas should nap when… anytime possible! Sleep might seem like a luxury when your phone is buzzing with birthing emergencies, but grabbing those Z’s is crucial. Lack of sleep can make anyone grumpy—even those with saint-like patience. So, curtain off some snooze time; your body (and your clients) will thank you.

2. Laugh It Off: The Secret Doula Superpower

Laughter might not be documented in your training manual, but it should be. It’s a stress-buster, a bond builder, and a great way to lighten the mood in tense situations. Try cracking a joke after a long birthing session (timing and audience awareness are key, of course!). A good giggle can refresh the soul just as much as an hour of meditation—plus, it’s more fun.

3. Hydrate Like You’re Prepping for a Marathon (Because You Kind of Are)

Hydration is the unsung hero of doula work. Staying hydrated helps maintain your energy levels, keeps your mind clear, and prevents those pesky headaches that can sneak up after hours in a warm birthing room. Think of your water bottle as an essential tool of the trade—right up there with your comforting presence and soothing words.

4. Find Your Tribe: A Vent Session Does Wonders

Connecting with fellow doulas can be incredibly therapeutic. After all, who better understands the highs and lows of doula life than another doula? Whether it’s a formal support group or an informal coffee meet-up, sharing stories, tips, and maybe some frustrations can help you feel understood and rejuvenated. Plus, it’s a chance to exchange those epic birth stories that only

doulas can truly appreciate it.

5. Set Boundaries Like a Pro

Boundaries are not just for playpens! As doulas, we invest emotionally in our clients’ experiences, which is why it’s vital to know when to step back and recharge. It’s okay to turn off your phone during personal time or to say no when your schedule is packed. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup, and setting boundaries helps ensure your cup stays at least half-full (or however you prefer your coffee).

6. Engage in Non-Doula Delights

Sometimes, the best way to handle the stresses of doula work is to do something utterly unrelated. Take up a hobby that makes you lose track of time—be it painting, hiking, or even salsa dancing. Engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation can provide a much-needed break from your professional life and help keep burnout at bay.

7. Practice Saying ‘I Need Help’

It might come as a surprise, but doulas need support too. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, seek help, whether it’s professional counseling or simply talking to a friend. Admitting you need assistance isn’t a weakness; it’s a profound strength and an integral part of self-care.

8. Celebrate Your Wins, Big and Small

Every birth you assist with, every new mom you comfort, and every dad you reassure is a victory. Celebrate these moments. Keep a joy journal or a smile box where you save notes, photos, or little keepsakes from your clients. During tougher days, these mementos can serve as powerful reminders of why you do what you do.

Wrapping It Up With a Smile

So, dear doulas, while you’re out there changing diapers and lives, remember to take a moment for yourselves. Self-care isn’t just about spa days and bubble baths—it’s about keeping your internal well-being in check so you can continue doing the incredible work you do. And if all else fails, remember, there’s nothing that a good doula dance party can’t fix!

Here’s to you, the unsung heroes in the delivery rooms. Keep thriving, keep smiling, and remember, you’re not just helping to bring new lives into the world—you’re also creating a space of love and care that starts with you.

 

Desiree Wills – Certified Postpartum Doula, DTC Alumni

As a Postpartum Doula, Desiree aims to empower families to approach parenting with self-compassion, a willingness to learn from mistakes, and the understanding that perfection isn’t the goal. She provides essential support, helping families feel more at ease and better prepared for life with a baby, filling the gap that may be left by family and community.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_gallery interval=”3″ images=”520909″ img_size=”200×100″][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_text_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Categories
community connection Trauma vulnerabiliity

World Suicide Prevention Day: Creating Hope Through Action

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1693608059856{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]This year’s theme for World Suicide Prevention Day is creating hope through action. 

There is a lot we can do intentionally to decrease suicidality and enhance hope among the perinatal population. 

According to this data analysis in Canadian Medical Association Journal, one in every 19 perinatal deaths is due to suicide, making suicide a leading cause of perinatal death. CMAJ notes that these findings speak to a need for stronger mental health support during and after pregnancy. Discussing perinatal health universally during prenatal support is a good starting point. Knowing what to watch out for, and raising awareness and discussion about is also essential. 

This 2022 article by Ann-Marie Bright and colleagues presents a scoping review of almost 20 years of literature on perinatal suicidality. Their central finding is that “The minimization of women’s experiences may lead to detrimental consequences and there is a need for increased knowledge of mental health problems by those working with women in the perinatal period to ensure safety planning conversations occur with every woman meeting ‘at risk’ criteria.”

Suicidal ideation is having thoughts of committing suicide. These thoughts occur on a spectrum ranging in frequency, intensity, and intentionality. While suicidal ideation does not always lead to a suicide attempt, suicide attempts and completed suicides are always preceded by suicidal ideation. Early identification and intervention regarding suicidal ideation as an important way of preventing suicide. 

Bright et. al divide the risk factors for suicidal ideation during the perinatal period into 3 categories:

  1. Biological, which includes:
    1. Nicotine and alcohol use
    2. Poor or low sleep
    3. Chronic illness
    4. Pregnancy conditions
    5. Complicated Birth
  2. Psychological, which includes 
    1. Trauma history
    2. Prior history of mental illness
    3. Pregnancy and infant loss
    4. Suicide attempt history
    5. Feeling unprepared to parent
  3. Social, which includes
    1. Unemployed/low income
    2. Inadequate support system
    3. Intimate partner violence
    4. Refugee Status
    5. Unhealthy relationships

 

There are two key takeaways for doulas in these findings. Firstly, this is a pretty lengthy list of risk factors and it’s not exhaustive. Suicidal ideation could affect anyone, from any walk of life. We need to talk to all clients about mental health and raise awareness regarding red flags for mental ill health, and share local treatment options.

Secondly, some people are more likely to be at risk than others. People who are marginalized and who have survived abuse and violence may need some extra helping hands. 

As birth workers, our role is in and of itself a powerful action against suicide. Support from a doula has been shown to significantly reduce postpartum depression and strengthen new parent relationships. Perhaps this is because having a doula can mitigate many of these risks identified by Bright et. al, such as complicated birth, feeling unprepared to parent, and an inadequate support system. We can’t underestimate the life-saving power and potential of this work. We need financial and infrastructural support to do this work and connect with the clients who need us the most. 

To learn more about how you can support suicide awareness and prevention in your birthwork practice, check out resources at Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention. 

This short video also provides excellent information on warning signs for postpartum depression. https://youtu.be/6kaCdrvNGZw?si=nBqLwhMLnFd–XK3

 

Keira Grant (she/her) brings a wealth of experience to her EDI Co-Lead role. She is a Queer, Black woman with a twenty-year track record in Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) education, projects, and community-building initiatives. As a mom and partner, she uses her lived experience to provide support and reflection for her clients and her work. Keira is the owner of Awakened Changes Perinatal Doula Services.

People exhibiting symptoms of perinatal mental illness should be encouraged to seek medical attention immediately.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Categories
Anti-Oppression community connection Equity intersectionality LGBTQ2S+ Newsletters pride understanding bias vulnerabiliity

Unlearning the Nuclear Family

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1685714926487{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]When I was a kid in the 80s, the family sitcom dominated television. From the Huxtables to the Keatons, to the Seavers, it was always Mom, Dad, and 2.5 kids. By then, the nuclear family had become the norm, so usually, both Mom and Dad worked outside the home. 

I always knew I wanted to be a mom someday. Even though my family didn’t look like the ones I saw on TV (I was raised by an Aunt and a Grandma), somehow it never occurred to me that the family I made someday would look different from the ones I saw on TV. I always pictured Daddy, babies, and me.

As I got older and came out as bisexual, my visions of future family life expanded to include the possibility of parenting with a “Daddy” or another “Mommy”, but I was still locked into a really nuclear understanding of what “families” looked like. 

Now my life has taught me a lot better. I do parent my only child with my wife, but welcoming Baby into our family made so much more than three. Our chosen family comprised of friends and partners from our queer and polyamorous communities has always been a huge part of our parenting journey.

We know many beautiful families configured in ways that transcend a couple with kids. We know quartets of a lesbian couple and a gay couple who have chosen to co-parent. We know gay and lesbian besties who have chosen to co-parent with their respective biological and chosen families behind them. We know lesbian couples with a known sperm donor who is deeply involved in their child’s life. There are triads or “thrupples” (a partnership involving 3 adults) who choose to raise families. This could look like a mom having a baby with each of her two male partners, or two women each having a baby with their male partner or any other number of ways of creating a family.

The reality is that Queer and Trans Culture isn’t just about having a life partner who was assigned the same sex as you at birth. Our cultural norms are forged from a history where the most conventional, nuclear way that we could have a family was still socially unacceptable. Many of us and our queer elders were rejected by our biological families for being honest about who we are. As a result, our community has been resourceful and resilient in carving out new ways of defining “family” and building family units that allow us to be whole. We create our own villages that know who we are, where we’ve been, and where we’re going to support us while we child rear and do this thing called life.

5 was a vital turning point for queer and trans families. It made the relationship to the child the focus of parental rights, rather than biology. The law also makes it possible for more than two people to be the legal parents of a child. This legal change was extremely important, but it’s only a fraction of the needed social change.

We must unlearn the idea that “parent+parent+kid(s)=family”. There are infinite equations that can add up to a family. As professional support people, we can embrace the expectation that clients seeking our help could come in ones, twos, or more, reflecting any mix of gender identities. 

We can also expect that folks living outside the parental binary are seeking our support specifically because they can expect that other parts of the health and social service systems don’t expect them, and might be hostile toward anything or anyone that challenges their expectations. We can create an unconditional blanket of compassion and support around all the beautiful shapes and sizes that families come in. That blanket is also a shield against fear and hate that preserves the sacredness of the parenting journey for all people.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][mk_padding_divider][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1686178152124{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Keira Grant (she/her) Inclusion and Engagement Lead – Racialized Communities

Keira brings a wealth of experience to the Online Community Moderator role. She is a Queer, Black woman with a twenty-year track record in Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) education, projects, and community building initiatives.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Categories
Anti-Oppression intersectionality LGBTQ2S+ pride Uncategorised vulnerabiliity

Why Representation Matters.

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”502714″ img_size=”full” alignment=”center”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][mk_padding_divider][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1685976157863{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]As Pride month comes to a start, I decided to write a more personal piece for the Doula Canada blog. As many queer people know, the process of coming out isn’t linear nor a one time deal. Queer people often come out over and over, in every day interactions. We decide whether or not its safe to come out, whether or not it will have repercussions professionally, socially, and within our family circles. Pride comes with a lot of baggage. Working at a feminist vocational school, that celebrates diversity and inclusion, I know that writing this is a safe space. 

You see, I’m freshly out. I’ve been “out” as pansexual for about five years, but being “conceptually queer” and “actively queer” feel very different. Not that pansexuals do not struggle, we do, but we have one of those “border” identities where we can experience privilege and oppression at the same time, i.e. “passing”. Being able to pansexual while being in opposite sex relationships had a sense of “safety” in it. I could identify as queer, but also feel accepted and included by following compulsory heterosexuality. 

What is that you ask? Compulsory heterosexuality is the concept that society favors those who act in heterosexual ways. Our social norms favor heterosexuality, and it is assumed to be the default. You see this when someone asks you if you have a spouse of the opposite sex. When teachers can speak about their partners freely (as long as they are straight) and we assume things about strangers we do not know. Being conceptually queer, but passing as “actively straight” kept me safe. I didn’t have to have uncomfortable conversations, debate whether someone would be accepting of my partner, or wonder if it would be a deal breaker for a job. Until one day, passing didn’t work for me.

I’m 28 years old from a rural area in Northeastern Ontario. I went to a Catholic school where bringing a partner of the same sex to prom was forbidden, and we were told our “lifestyles” were unnatural and against God. I came from an area where queer people were (visibly) few and far between, and if they were outed they were ostracized for being “predators” or other horrendous, homophobic things. At one point, I thought I was queer when I was about 14 years old. A school counselor told me that all girls feel that way at some point, and I believed her. As I grew up, I thought I was emotionally bankrupt to all my boyfriends, that perhaps I was asexual, or traumatized, and that one day I would marry a husband. Asexuality and trauma are valid, but for me, it was a mask that seemed “more appropriate or acceptable” than the thought that I may be attracted to women. I didn’t realize that most women don’t see finding a husband as a begrudging task on a to-do list. This was compounded by the “ball and chain” rhetoric of a heteronormative and often misogynist society. Dating, sex, and marriage is supposed to be disappointing if you are a woman with a man (we’re often told).  It was easier for me to believe I may be asexual or traumatized than to think I may one day marry a woman. This is when I realized, I may not be attracted to men at all. But I didn’t know what that would look like.

Representation matters, because I had none. 

I was 20 before I saw a lesbian in a professional role, that wasn’t actively trying to hide her identity from the institution she was employed from. She was my Women’s Studies 1000 professor, and I thought about how brave that was. I didn’t realize that queer women could be out in positions of power without punishment.

I was 24 before I realized that you could be queer without ostracization in a bigger city. I was surrounded by queer friends who were living their joyful lives, loving their partners, and living (mostly) without harassment.

I was 26 before I met my first queer couple with children. I was downtown Toronto and finally seeing lesbian and gay couples living loud and proud, and simple and boring just like any other couples. I had never seen pregnancy and childrearing in queer couples, and had always tied my dream of having kids with being in a heterosexual relationship. Representation changed this for me.

How does this relate to doula work? Easy. If you’re a queer doula, you are actively showing the world that queer people belong in the doula space. If you’re creating inclusive advertising for trans and queer people, you are telling them you see them, and they belong in the reproductive health discussion. When you use a trans person’s pronouns, you are validating their experience and showing them you respect their identity. When you learn about surrogacy, IVF, and adoption support, you are creating more services for queer people to access.

Representation matters because it shows queer youth, and queer adults that their experiences are normal, and can be expansive and joyful. It shows others the possibilities within being queer. It shows us our dreams can exist in a comphet society, and that we don’t have to give up a part of ourselves to be happy. So this pride, when you hear someone say “Why do they have to be so LOUD about it?” tell them its for every queer person who is forced to live quietly, and is silently listening.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator color=”violet”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1685976337654{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Kayt (she/her) is an Anishnaabe kwe from Bonnechere Algonquin territory and the owner of Sweetgrass Solace Wholistic Support. Her post-secondary education includes a Bachelor of Social Work and Bachelor of the Arts in Indigenous Studies from Trent University (2021). She is also a certified hatha yoga teacher and a certifying birth and postpartum Doula.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Categories
Anti-Oppression Anti-racism work balance birth Business collaboration community connection Equity fear gratitude Health Care pregnancy rebranding shame starting fresh Trauma Volunteering vulnerabiliity

Using Doula Care as Community Aid: The Giving Equation

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1684151324317{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]As I’ve been going through our Truth and Reconciliation Action Plan, I’ve been continuously thinking about doula care and community aid, and how we can continue to decolonize our practices. As doula care becomes more “trendy” in current society, as it continues to dominate mostly higher-class spaces, how do we reflect on the roots of doula care, and stay true to community work? Of course, as doulas we do not feed ourselves and pay the bills off of warm and fuzzy feelings, but I think it is realistic to say most of us enter the field with a certain amount of passion and drive to create change in our communities. Whether that be being inspired by our own birth experience, or noticing how much of a difference our own doula made, most of us come to doula care for a deep reason.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1684151342874{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]However you identify, birth work has the ability to bring folks together. The birth and the postpartum periods are intimate and vulnerable. Individuals from marginalized communities may wish to hire someone with the same identity or lived experience as them. As someone from a certain background you may possess a set of skills, knowledge or spiritual/cultural teachings that someone from an outside identity may not. For example, a Muslim family may choose to hire a Muslim doula who may better understand their traditional customs and practices surrounding birth. An Indigenous family may choose an Indigenous doula who understands and celebrates their practices and understands the risk of violence within the medical system.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1684151427232{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Below are some tips on using your practice and voice as a doula to help your community:

  1. Marry your interests

An easy equation for finding what population you want to serve is this: identifier + lived experience + passions and skills.

Between your lived experiences and passions/interests and skill, lays your intended community. For example, as an Indigenous mental health practitioner who grew up low-income, I chose to narrow my focus on low-income families and trauma survivors. Think about the spaces you frequent, the groups you are a part of, your professional training and hobbies.

 

Identifier: Indigenous, Queer

Lived experience: Poverty

Skill: Social work background

Passion: Trauma

           _______________________________

Target communities:

Indigenous families

Queer Families

Low Income Families

Trauma Survivors

 

2. What can you afford to give?

Whether that is your time, or money, or expertise. Some doulas choose to dedicate acouple of births per year pro-bono or sliding scale. Perhaps, you decide to attend protests and events as a community member that are relevant to your population. You may have resources you don’t mind sharing.or books to loan out. Be creative!

 

3. Advocacy

What issues are impacting your community? How can you use your voice in a way that helps others? Perhaps you can assist in social movements regarding reproductive health.How do you use your social media. What current issues are really important to you?

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These are just a few of the ways that you can take your profession, and use it for social change. What other ways can you make waves?

 

Here are some exploratory journal prompts for you:

  • Why did I choose to become a doula?

  • What social issues am I passionate about?

  • What can I afford to give?

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1684154527320{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]-Kayt Ward, EDI Co-lead, BSW[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Categories
Anti-racism work birth Health Care intersectionality Labour Doula LGBTQ2S+ Postpartum Doula Trauma Uncategorised understanding bias vulnerabiliity

Advocacy at Doula Canada

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1669384798061{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]Doulas support birthers, babies, and family members during an intimate and emotionally charged experience that often involves many medical twists and turns along the way. For many doula clients, pregnancy and childbirth are among the most complicated experiences with our healthcare system they will have ever had to navigate. We know that birthers need to feel in control of what happens to their bodies and to be making informed choices about their care to create a positive experience and avoid trauma. 

Doulas can change a person’s healthcare experience for the better by supporting their bodily autonomy and informed decision-making. Additionally, we are well placed to notice systemic issues that impact our clients again and again, and to use our knowledge to encourage and support changes.

Learning to engage in this type of advocacy within the scope of the doula’s role, so that our efforts are helpful, is an important aspect of our learning and professional development. To support our students and alumni, Doula Canada has developed an advocacy framework that defines advocacy in the context of doula practice and describes approaches to individual advocacy that are aligned with respect for client autonomy. 

Our framework identifies three categories of advocacy that doulas engage in: systemic advocacy, self-advocacy promotion, and individual advocacy. 

Systemic advocacy is any effort to change, remove, or add a policy or process that affects the lives of birthers, families, babies, or doulas. Examples include lobbying your elected federal representative to change the birth evacuation policy or amplifying social media campaigns that raise awareness regarding perinatal mental illness.

While we don’t usually think of it as such, our work with clients to support them to know the evidence regarding their perinatal circumstances, and ask the right questions of their healthcare providers is a form of advocacy. We encourage them to use their voice and make their conversations more effective because they are armed with information.

Sometimes, especially in the birth room, it might be necessary to advocate for the client in more direct ways. It is important that this individual advocacy does not manifest as speaking for or over the client, or in a manner that could worsen their care or medical situation.

A 2020 paper by S.S. Yam based on interviews with doulas identified three types of tactics that doulas use to advocate for their clients during labour and delivery. She calls these “soft-advocacy” techniques because they differ from what we usually think of as advocacy. Staff and instructors at Doula Canada agreed they used these strategies and had lots of guidance to offer on exactly how to use them. Their guidance was used to develop the advocacy framework. 

The three tactics identified by Yam are 1) creating deliberative space, 2) cultural and knowledge brokering, and 3) physical touch and spatial maneuvers. 

Creating deliberative space refers to strategies that give the client more time to ask questions and make decisions. One example of how doulas do this is by noticing that care that deviates from their preferences is about to happen and bringing it to the client’s attention, prompting them to ask about the intervention that is about to happen.

Cultural and knowledge brokering refer to the tactics doulas use to make sure the client understands medical jargon or cultural norms. This could involve paying close attention to the information provided by the medical team, observing how well this is understood by the client, and repeating the information in language that the client uses and understands.

Physical touch and spatial maneuvering refers to the ways we use our bodies and physical contact with the client to advocate for their needs. Examples include using our bodies to conceal the client from view, modeling consent by asking permission each time we touch the client, and using our presence to back up the client during interactions. 

The complete framework is linked below. It offers more detail on the three types of advocacy and the soft-advocacy strategies. It illustrates these concepts using case studies based on staff and instructor experiences. 

In 2023, Doula Canada will continue its work to support advocacy among its members by developing an advocacy toolkit from the framework and launching an advocacy working group for students and alumni. [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][mk_button corner_style=”rounded” size=”large” url=”https://stefanie-techops.wisdmlabs.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/advocacy-framework-paper.pdf” align=”center”]Click here to view the full Advocacy Framework document[/mk_button][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Categories
Anti-racism work birth Business Canada Childbirth Educator collaboration community connection Equity fear intersectionality Postpartum Doula pregnancy reducing stigma research shame Trauma understanding bias vulnerabiliity

Recognizing Asian Heritage Month and Jewish Heritage Month

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1653215730289{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]May is Asian Heritage Month and Jewish Heritage Month. It’s a great opportunity to reflect on what we mean by “heritage” regarding the history of these two communities in “multicultural” Canada, and what this means for creating cultural safety in birth work.

I’ve lived in the GTA my whole life. Here, a “heritage festival” typically amounts to a street party with food, live music and dance, and other culture-specific entertainment. I am actually a great lover of a good street fair. The food and performances are usually lit. I have also learned a lot about Jewish and Asian history and culture at events like the Ashkenaz Music Festival and Taste of Asia. I also understand that many communities are not fortunate enough to have this level of exposure to culture and diversity. But these cultural displays are not only far from telling the whole story of the “heritage” of Asian and Jewish people in Canada, but they also contribute to “false peace” – the illusion that multiculturalism is working out, that we are all getting along, and that we are all equal.

In truth, there is anti-Asian racism and anti-Semitism at the core of Canada’s heritage. Those of us who remember “Heritage Minutes” from the 1980s and 90s may know about the lethal exploitation of Chinese migrant workers that occurred in the 19th century to support the construction of the trans-Canada railroad. There are many other examples, including the head tax, and internment camps during WWII. 

Anti-Semitism is equally a part of the fabric of Canada’s history. Wide-spread belief in a Jewish conspiracy to achieve global economic domination that originated in Europe and spread to North America made Jewish Canadians an easy scapegoat during the great depression. Additionally, to limit the economic advancement of Jewish immigrants in the early 20th century, Canadian universities implemented quotas that restricted the number of Jewish applicants who could be admitted to the school.

It’s easy to hear these stories and think “this has nothing to do with me”, “this is ancient history”, “I didn’t do these things”, and “let’s focus on the positive and how far we’ve come”. While these sentiments are understandable, the reality is that the present arises from the past. These uglier parts of our heritage are directly related to more recent attacks on synagogues and the hate crimes experienced by Asian Canadians during the pandemic. 

Moreover, this heritage underpins the modern assumptions that manifest more subtly as microaggressions that affect the day-to-day navigation of society and impact the long-term mental and physical health of equity-seeking people. Some of these stereotypes may seem harmless or even positive. But in reality, they fuel the construction of whiteness as the social norm, put people in boxes, and create false impressions regarding people’s realities.

As birth workers, we can create cultural safety regarding the beautiful and the traumatic aspects of each client’s heritage. We can create space for them to share whether they have any cultural or religious traditions that they would like to honour. And we can also be mindful of things like how common stereotypes about Asian women may influence provider perceptions of client autonomy. Or how the intergenerational trauma of Holocaust survivors may impact pain management. There are a number of ways that our identities can impact our pregnancy and parenting journey. Shining a light on the good, the bad, and the ugly of our heritage sets us up to ask the right questions and facilitate the needed conversations with all of our clients.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Categories
birth Canada Equity fertility pregnancy shame vulnerabiliity

Fat.

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1644624893514{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Fat.

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1644624846918{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]Read the word.  Read it once, twice, and then again.

How does reading the word make you feel?  How about saying it aloud? 

Most of us have learned to treat fat as a bad word and, beyond that, a bad thing to be.  We hear this from our friends and our peers, our families, our communities, the media we consume, and the healthcare systems we turn to when we’re unwell.  Fat is the punch line of countless jokes, the subject of over 40% of New Year’s resolutions[i], and the fuel of a weight loss industry worth $332.8 million in Canada alone[ii].

Fat people are scrutinized everywhere—in clothing stores that stop at size 14, on airplanes with too small seats, in conversations with relatives that always begin and end with comments on our size.  More than anywhere else, you can find this scrutiny in healthcare.  “Obesity” is listed as a risk factor for almost everything.  Any fat person who has been to a doctor’s office can tell you this. Depressed? Lose weight. Ear infection? Lose weight. Infertility? Lose weight.

When somebody is pregnant, trying to get pregnant, or even just a person between 20-40 with a uterus, their body is monitored in a whole new way.  They might be told that their weight will stop them from getting pregnant, that it will cause them to miscarry, that gestational diabetes will be inevitable, that they will need to be induced early, that their baby will be big, and on, and on, and on.

While any of these things might happen to a fat person, they won’t happen because the person is fat. Intentional weight loss is not a magical cure.  In fact, dieting could even lead to further issues with conception or pregnancy, where a nutrient-rich diet is important and weight gain is linked to the healthy development of the placenta, fetus, and pregnant person.

Over the past several years, there has been a shift in popular culture towards body positivity. Championed by celebrities and social media influencers, body positivity tells us to embrace and love our bodies (and other people’s bodies) as they are.  If this seems like a stretch goal, then we can be body neutral, accepting our body (and other people’s bodies) as they are, as the tools we use to engage with and experience the world.  These approaches can feel revolutionary when we’re used to hating our bodies and can absolutely improve our relationships with ourselves, but they aren’t enough.

Sofie Hagan, author of Happy Fat, explains, “I am not a body positivity campaigner, I am a fat liberationist. I do not care if you love your body or not, I care about abolishing the systemic discrimination and abuse that fat people endure on a daily basis.  Body positivity is fine, but it doesn’t at all fix the problem.” (Twitter, October 25, 2021).

The problems that Hagan is talking about are systemic fatphobia and sizeism. 

Fatphobia tells us that fat bodies are undesirable, unhealthy, and repulsive.  It includes fat jokes in the schoolyard and your grandmother telling you how much weight you’ve gained, but also means that fat people are less likely to be hired, less likely to be seen as attractive, less likely to be taken seriously by their medical providers.  It doesn’t just make people feel bad, it can be a matter of life or death: when Ellen Maud Bennett died of terminal cancer in 2018, her obituary named fatphobia as the cause, explaining, “Over the past few years of feeling unwell she sought out medical intervention and no one offered any support or suggestions beyond weight loss.”[iii]

Sizeism privileges smaller bodies over larger ones.  Not just through beauty ideals but through the systems and structures that we interact with every day.  This can include everything from insurance policies that have a body mass index (BMI) cutoff to hospital gowns and beds that don’t fit larger bodies.

To confront fatphobia and sizeism we don’t just need increased confidence in our own bodies, we need a different approach to size and weight.

The health at every size (HAES) movement is pushing medical providers to recognize that people can be healthy at every size, that fat shouldn’t be treated as an illness, that weight loss shouldn’t be treated as a cure, and that there needs to be (literal and metaphorical) room for fat people in our healthcare system.  It’s an important movement, but still prioritizes health. Fat people can be healthy or unhealthy, thin people can be too. All of us, regardless of size, will experience variations in our health throughout our lives.  We don’t owe anybody good health, and we don’t need to be healthy to deserve respect.

We need fat positivity: a mental and systemic shift that includes and embraces fat bodies, regardless of health. [/vc_column_text][vc_separator color=”white”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1644624383626{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]So, as a doula, how can you provide fat positive support?[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1644624485528{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]1. Don’t ask about or comment on your client’s weight.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1645143545782{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]2. If your client asks about how being fat will impact them during conception, pregnancy, or birth, share evidence-based information and resources that are size inclusive.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1644624540161{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]3.Support your client through their healthcare experiences.  If your client is worried about weight checks, let them know that they have a right to refuse or to ask why they are being weighed.  If they are worried about whether a hospital or birth centre will accommodate them (from weight limits on hospital beds to BMI limits on epidurals), contact the birth location to find out.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1644624580474{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]4. Provide emotional support, recognizing the trauma that many fat people have experienced in healthcare.  Your client might feel anxious, avoidant, or upset when having to interact with healthcare providers or entering doctors’ offices or hospitals.  Validate these feelings.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1644624610152{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]5. Recognize that everything from common birth support positions to equipment like birth balls or birthing pools haven’t been made with fat people in mind.  Consider in advance how to adapt your support to include fat bodies.  If your client is comfortable, this can include practicing support positions to see how they feel for you and your client, as well as any other support people involved.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1644624639055{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]6. Examine your own biases.  We grow up in a fatphobic and sizeist world, and internalize these beliefs from a very young age. Ask yourself what you think and feel about fat bodies, then ask yourself why.  This is hard, ongoing, and crucial work.[/vc_column_text][vc_separator color=”white”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1645287465765{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]Fat people deserve to have our pregnancies and births treated with respect and care. We deserve health systems that see us as whole people and not as problems. We deserve to have our strength and capacity recognized.  We deserve partners, healthcare providers, and doulas who support, affirm, and hold us as we are.

Interested in learning more?  Sign up for Doula Canada’s webinar on Addressing Sizeism and Fatphobia in Birth Work, happening on February 27th from 12:30pm-1:30pm EST.[/vc_column_text][vc_separator color=”white”][vc_btn title=”Click here to register for our FAT: ADDRESSING SIZEISM AND FATPHOBIA IN BIRTHWORK webinar” color=”mulled-wine” align=”center” link=”url:https%3A%2F%2Fstefanie-techops.wisdmlabs.net%2Ftraining%2Ffat-addressing-sizeism-and-fatphobia-in-birthwork%2F|||”][vc_separator color=”white”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1645287477111{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”][i] https://today.yougov.com/topics/lifestyle/articles-reports/2020/01/03/canada-new-year-resolutions

[ii] https://www.ibisworld.com/canada/market-research-reports/weight-loss-services-industry

[iii] https://www.legacy.com/ca/obituaries/timescolonist/name/ellen-bennett-obituary[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]