Category: Trauma

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fertility Loss Mental Health Trauma Trauma Uncategorised vulnerabiliity

Light in the Darkness: Interview with Layla Micheals, an Infant Loss Parent

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Light in the Darkness: Interview with Layla Micheals, an Infant Loss Parent 

At Doula School, one of our leading continuing education courses is our Infant and Pregnancy Loss Support certification program, which is such an important skill in our birth worker toolkit. Our gradates go on to support families who have experienced infant and pregnancy loss. It’s important to destigmatize speaking about infant and pregnancy loss because 25% of people experience loss at some point in their fertility journeys. We never want anyone suffering in silence.

Jessica Palmquist, our very own senior instructor and program coordinator for the infant and pregnancy loss programs experienced a unique journey to parenthood made possible through In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), which ultimately ignited her burning passion for fertility awareness and birthwork. Through her IVF journey after losing multiple embryos, she understands the importance of talking about loss and fertility struggles. With October being Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, Jessica Palmquist interviewed her best friend Layla Michaels, founder of Big Hearts Little Stars and she shares about the loss of her son Ryker and how she found light during her darkest time. 

Jessica and Layla’s friendship began in the early 2000’s when they worked together at a Lululemon pop up store in Moncton, New Brunswick. Nearly decades later, after both women went through Assisted Reproductive Technologies they joyfully were pregnant together, both expecting baby boys who would one day grow up together and be best of friends. Jessica delivered in October 2019 and Layla’s estimated due date was Easter 2020. Layla’s water broke unexpectedly at 25 weeks gestation and she was hospitalized. Layla was in constant contact updating Jessica daily. Two weeks later, Layla delivered her son Ryker who lived a life too short and he died in her loving arms. When Jessica received the news of Ryker’s passing she held her newborn son Hudson tighter than she ever had and sobbed uncontrollably. Her heart had broken that day along with her best friend’s. Layla and her partner Adam had big plans for their son and had already built a life for him. Jessica and Layla had dreams of what their boys’ future would look like. This is another side of loss that often goes unspoken – the loss of the future and the loss of a family’s hopes and dreams. Loss is more than the loss of a life, it is the loss of a life and so much more. Jessica regularly asks about Ryker and Layla gingerly shares pictures from Ryker’s short stay in the hospital and the mementos in their home. Whenever Jessica and her family have the opportunity they honour Ryker on his birthday, holidays, and whenever she writes a letter to the family he is included. Jessica has been Layla’s biggest cheerleader as she has been trying to conceive after her loss. After four long years, Layla is pregnant and Jessica is excited to meet Ryker’s baby sister. 

Get to know Layla, as she shares her loss story:

Would you like to share your story of infant loss?

We became pregnant with our son, Ryker, after two years of infertility and seeking out the help of a fertility doctor. The pregnancy was perfect, I wasn’t sick, and had that pregnancy glow and blissful ignorance thinking nothing would go wrong.  Until it did.

At 25 weeks my water suddenly broke and I was hospitalized. Then at 27 weeks our son Ryker was born via emergency C-section. He was 2lbs 7oz and a fighter! It was touch and go in those first few days, but then he turned a corner and we thought everything would be ok. Then overnight, he developed a brain bleed that wasn’t something that could be treated or survived. We spent the remainder of that day with him, surrounded by our families, as we said goodbye so soon after we had just said hello. It was heartbreaking. But also during that time we created beautiful memories with him and said everything we needed to say. He died in my arms after about an hour and half from being taken off life support.

What was your experience with our healthcare system? 

There is a big gap in experience across the country when your baby dies. But one universal area that I found is that there is not much direction or support for what to expect when you leave the hospital without your child. Your milk still comes in, you are still in active postpartum recovery, but it all feels very foreign and different when the baby you grew is no longer with you. The only check-up is the standard 6 week check-up, which felt years away.  You are trying to heal and trying to process immense grief at the same time and it is truly too much to handle.

What did you find the most helpful in your journey? 

I found the pro-activeness of friends and family to be what was needed. You often hear people say “if you need anything, let me know” or “call me” but when you are in the depths of grief, there is an inability to understand what you need, or have the courage or mental capacity to ask for the help. People would show up at our door with food, or to check on us, or the messages that came in reading “you don’t have to respond, but we are thinking of you and how you’re doing”.  Those messages made me feel open to talking and I would respond every time. Asking me about Ryker and using his name helped as well. My advice to people: “do not ignore what has happened, it may be uncomfortable for you, but it is far worse for the family who has lost their child and are surrounded by people who do not acknowledge the space they are living in”.

You’ve been supporting the pregnancy and infant loss community for many years now. What was your motivation to start Big Hearts Little Stars, an organization that supports families who have experienced the loss of a child?

My motivation for Big Hearts Little Stars was to fill the gap that exists when parents experienced the loss of a pregnancy or child. It initially began with donating books on Ryker’s first birthday, 10 books of stories written by Mothers to Mothers, and 10 of Fathers to Fathers.

It organically grew from there into what we now refer to as our Comfort Boxes. We supply both our local hospitals with large and small comfort boxes that include items to assist families through the grief process after their child dies. Items include a teddy bear, baby blanket, memorial candle, books for parents and young siblings, a booklet of resources (local and other) and some other meaningful items.

We also offer a private support group on Facebook so that grieving parents have a safe space to speak and ask questions with others who have been on a similar path.

What services does Big Hearts Little Stars offer? 

Directly we only have our support group, but we do have connections to a lot of community resources and access to contacts across the province. We will do whatever we can to assist families who reach out.

I have also gone to coffee with a few people, as sometimes it is helpful to have an in-person heart to heart when dealing with such an emotional and difficult time.

How did you find light in your dark time? 

When you lose a child, there is no hope for their future. You can’t hope they’ll get better or magically return home. The reality is, they are no longer here and nothing changes that. The hope or light I found was in sharing our story and the story of Ryker’s life. In sharing our story, I have been told that it allowed other people to find the courage and strength to speak about a loss they had suffered and had never talked about. In being open and honest about the experience it has allowed other people to feel less alone in theirs. That is the hope that I hold onto, the hope that if we are able to help one person feel less alone in their loss, that we can all carry the memories of our children who walk ahead.

What advice can you offer parents who have experienced infant and pregnancy loss?

Take your time, and give your grief the time it needs. This can mean many things. There is no rush to feel better, and no linear way that you will move through your grief. There is no moving on, but you will learn to put one foot in front of the other, and as you do you will always bring their memory with you. The grief will stay with you forever, but it will not always feel as raw as it does in the beginning. You will grow around it, and it will grow around you. I would encourage you to share your thoughts and feelings if it feels right to you, but if not, that is also ok as well. No two people navigate this the same way (including you and your partner).

Are there any resources or recommendations that you would share with parents who have experienced an infant or pregnancy loss?

There are a number or very good organizations within Canada, the US, and abroad that offer support.  Here are just a few:

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Centre (Calgary) www.pilsc.org

PAIL Network Sunnybrook (Toronto) www.pailnetwork.sunnybrook.ca

Return to Zero (RTZ) Hope – US based www.rtzhope.org

Saying Goodbye – UK Based www.sayinggoodbye.org

There are also many groups that are geared towards specific issues that may have effected the loss of a pregnancy or child.  Stillbirth, Preterm Premature Rupture of Membranes, Termination for Medical Reasons, and each of these (and more) have their own support sites as well.

What about the parents who want to try again after the death of their baby. What challenges might they face when trying again? Do you have any suggestions that might support them on their journey? 

I don’t think there is ever a right time to try again, if that is something that you wish to do. I strongly believe in therapy as it will help you navigate the decision and also the emotions that will come up during the trying process, whether that includes fertility treatments or you are able to conceive naturally. Once pregnant again, there will be obvious and not so obvious things that may trigger you along the way, based on your history with a previous loss.  

There is a really good app and website for Pregnancy after loss (pregnancyafterlosssupport.org) that I have personally found helpful while navigating this pregnancy. In addition, there is a great book called Pregnancy After Loss by Zoe Clarke Cotes that has day by day reading and journaling which helps families navigate their pregnancy after loss.

Is there anything else you’d like to share?

Take care of yourself during this difficult time. Set boundaries where needed, and know that your feelings are valid and you are not alone. When you are ready there is a whole community out there that will help you navigate the days, months and years ahead, and honour you and your baby.

 

About the Author

Layla Michaels (she/her), is a passionate advocate for fertility and infant loss awareness. She is the founder of Big Hearts Little Stars, a nonprofit based in Moncton NB, serving families who have experienced the death of a child through pregnancy to infant loss. Her nonprofit was founded in 2021 after the death of her first son, Ryker in the NICU in 2020. The mission of Big Hearts Little Stars is to bridge the gap felt by parents in caring for their grief after loss, and knowing they are not alone. Families are provided a comfort box from their local hospital with items and resources to assist them in navigating their grief, as well as an online support group. Layla has also volunteered with Fertility Matters on their East Coast Miracles committee, who worked to raise awareness, conversation and political pressure surrounding fertility benefits and access in the Atlantic Provinces. Her personal fertility journey has taken her through multiple procedures in Canada, overseas, and then finally having to seek treatment out of province. It is Layla’s hope that access to fertility care becomes more accessible for all persons wishing to grow their families, alongside compassionate care for families experiencing loss as well. 

Connect with Layla:

IG @laylabun   IG @bigheartslittlestars   Tictok @mamagotguts

Interviewer- Jessica Palmquist (she/her), Doula School’s fertility & loss support program coordinator and senior instructor works with a diverse population and believes education, reproductive health, and wellness services should be accessible and customizable. In addition to Jessica’s training as a certified Fertility, Birth, & Postpartum Doula & Infant and Pregnancy Loss Support Specialist, she is a certified yoga teacher and has worked in the public and post secondary section sector for nearly 20 years. Her own unique journey to parenthood made possible through IVF paired with a passion for teaching, learning, and helping others led Jessica to birth work.

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Categories
Anti-Oppression Anti-racism work collaboration community decolonization national indigenous peoples day Trauma

National Day for Truth & Reconciliation: Action is Our Collective Responsibility

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text title=”National Day for Truth & Reconciliation: Action is Our Collective Responsibility” css=”.vc_custom_1727115223782{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]In 2015, the Truth and Reconciliation Commission of Canada announced that its investigation into the inter-generational trauma caused by the “Indian Residential School” system that the Federal Government of Canada operated in partnership with Christian Institutions between about 1880 and 1996 was complete. The commission published a final report that made 94 Calls to Action. Many Indigenous experts believe that completing these Calls to Action is an imperative aspect of rectifying the harm that settler colonialism has done to Indigenous people.

It’s been nine years since the commission published its report. The concept of Truth and Reconciliation is that repairing the damage can only be achieved with honesty. The truth is that the federal government has not done much to change outcomes for Indigenous peoples since the report’s publication.

On the 8th anniversary of the final report’s publication, the federal government issued a statement claiming that 85% of the calls to action were either complete or well underway. Indigenous Watchdog paints an entirely different picture. According to their analysis, only 66% of the Calls are completed or in progress. Twenty percent of the calls are stalled, and 20% have not yet started.

At the time of this writing, Indigenous communities across Canada are mourning and speaking out about injustice. Over 2 weeks this month, 6 Indigenous people were killed by police, with the RCMP responsible for 4 of the deaths. This overt violence at the hands of the police is a stark barometer for the level of violence Indigenous people are subject to in other institutions, including health care.

When it comes to the federal government’s action on the 7 health care calls, it is slim to non-existent. None of these urgently needed calls have been completed. This lack of action shows in the numbers. A 2023 study found that 18.6% more non-Indigenous women had a regular healthcare provider during pregnancy than Indigenous women. This was connected to statistically lower access to primary and specialized care. This applied to rural and urban settings, and disparities remained when socioeconomic status was controlled for. Similarly, the infant mortality rate is twice as high for Indigenous babies as for non-Indigenous babies. The studies’ authors conclude that racism and the resulting deep mistrust of the system are to blame.

Given the ongoing violence that Indigenous people face at the hands of institutions, mistrust is entirely justified. If our government were serious about establishing trust, it would be honest about its accomplishments on the Calls to Action and get the work done.

The Call to Action that has the most direct impact on how we should practice as doulas is number 22, which calls upon us to recognize the value of Indigenous healing practices and incorporate them in healthcare delivery. When engaging with Indigenous clients seeking perinatal support empowering and facilitating their reclamation and implementation of Indigenous teachings if desired is essential. For non-Indigenous birth workers, this looks like making referrals to an appropriate Indigenous doula where possible and doing the work of managing our colonial unlearning proactively and independently when not. We should also listen deeply and with humility to the teachings the client would like to impart.

As a training Institution, we are committed to enacting the 24th call: ensuring that all students who will be working alongside the healthcare system take Indigenous culture and awareness training. The goal of our Truth & Reconciliation module is to ensure that all program graduates are prepared to fulfill the 22nd call in their practice. We recognize that the module is a work in progress and we are paying close attention to feedback from our Indigenous students on how the module can be made more relevant and impactful. As our program grows to include students from more and more countries, we are exploring ways to connect the oppression of Indigenous people on Turtle Island to experiences of colonization, displacement, and resistance around the world.

We know our work is far from complete and that our spheres of influence are small. However, each small organization’s actions to fulfill the Calls to Action is an example and a challenge to our Federal government and other powers to step up and honour their commitments. We trust our actions will ripple out, and we look forward to continuing this essential work in our community.

 

Keira Grant (she/her) Inclusion and Engagement Lead – Racialized CommunitiesKeira Grant

Keira brings a wealth of experience to the Online Community Moderator role. She is a Queer, Black woman with a twenty-year track record in Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) education, projects, and community building initiatives.

 

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Categories
birth community Equity Trauma

National Day of Remembrance & Action on Violence Against Women

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1701888370897{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women (December 6) hits a bit different for me this year. On December 6, 1989, 14 young women were murdered at Polytechnique Montreal. The women were pursuing degrees in engineering. Their murderer felt that by entering into a male profession these women were usurping a place in society that rightfully belonged to him. He ordered their male peers from the room at gunpoint to make sure we knew this was about hating women.

Earlier this year, doulas were targeted for gender-based violence because of their career choices. In this instance for choosing a feminized profession, the intimate and sexualized nature of which could be exploited by a fraudulent predator. As a result of the persistent efforts of the fraudster’s victims, she was arrested in March of this year and the situation did not escalate to worse violence. Still, I’m left with many questions about the climate of fear, suspicion, and infighting that existed within the doula community for months while police and other organizations that are supposed to protect the public did nothing to stop this person’s malicious, harmful behaviour. This despite so many incidents where woman-hating behaviour has escalated to femicide.

In Sault Ste. Marie in October, a known perpetrator of intimate partner violence murdered 5 people, including 3 children, adding momentum to a national call for gender-based violence to be declared an epidemic. We at Doula Canada wholeheartedly support this call, and add our voices to it. As birth workers, we know that pregnancy and postpartum are vulnerable times. Existing IPV often worsens, and in many instances, this is when it starts.  

Our own safety also matters in doing this work. We are often behind closed doors, in people’s homes, providing intimate care one-on-one. It’s not constructive to approach care work from a place of fear. Statistically, our clients are more likely to be victims of violence rather than perpetrators. However, one of the most disturbing things I learned from events earlier this year is that there is a casual normalization of sexual harassment in this field. Several people posted about having their time wasted by solicitation from fetishists posing as birth clients, as though this was simply par for the course. Privately, I’ve heard stories of doulas being sexually harassed by a client’s partner in the client’s home, and not knowing of any options for recourse. Earlier this year, when birth workers were being targeted, many birth workers focused on the perpetrator’s well-being rather than the well-being of a growing number of victims.

The reason for this attitude is the same as the reason why some jurisdictions (such as the province of Ontario) have refused to declare GBV an epidemic. And it’s the same reason why opportunities to stop the perpetrator in the Sue before he killed were missed. GBV occurs in the context of normalized systemic misogyny. Even in a profession aimed at reducing reproductive violence for our clients, we’ve forgotten to expect more for ourselves.

Alongside growing our conversation about GBV in relationships, we need to shine a light on occupational GBV. In other fields where home visits are carried out by a largely feminized workforce (e.g. nurses, social workers), trainees are given guidance on spotting red flags, mitigating risk, and acting to effect accountability. We’re going to start doing that here at Doula Canada. On Jan. 23 we will open this much-needed conversation by hosting a webinar on GBV in birthwork and how we can take charge of our community’s safety. We owe this to ourselves and each other. 

Webinar Details Here: https://stefanie-techops.wisdmlabs.net/training/webinar-gender-based-violence-in-support-work/

It is fitting that Women’s Remembrance Day falls within UN Women’s 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence campaign. For ideas for actions you can take against GBV check on this resource on Canadian Women Foundation’s #ActTogether Campaign. https://canadianwomen.org/acttogether-campaign/

*If you are unfamiliar with the events of earlier this year that I reference in this article, you can learn more about that here: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/a44866427/kaitlyn-braun-doula-pregnancy-accused-fraud-harassment/

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1701888381111{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]Keira Grant (she/her) Inclusion and Engagement Lead – Racialized Communities

Keira brings a wealth of experience to the Online Community Moderator role. She is a Queer, Black woman with a twenty-year track record in Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) education, projects, and community building initiatives.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Categories
Anti-Oppression community Trauma

16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1701109787897{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]For our observance of UN Women’s 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, we reflect on how doulas are involved in ending obstetric violence at the individual and systemic level. Reflecting on this year’s theme, we call on governments and insurance providers to Unite and Invest to Prevent Violence Against Women and Girls by funding better access to doula care.

Where we need to go

As doulas, companions, and birth keepers, we know in our bones that our presence alleviates the challenges of birth and new parenthood and supports people to have joyful, transformative experiences during this major life event. 

A growing body of research supports our intuitive knowledge. Doula care is an effective perinatal intervention that reduces the need for medical interventions, including c-sections, decreases low birth weight and preterm births, and improves satisfaction with childbirth and postpartum well-being, among many other benefits. These benefits have the biggest impact on families adversely affected by the social determinants of health, including low-income, and racialized people (Cidro et al., 2023; Greiner et al., 2019; Kozhimannil et al., 2016; Marshall et al., 2022; Ramey-Collier et al., 2023; Robles, 2019; Thomas et al., 2023; Wodtke et al., 2022; Young, 2022).

Yet, despite this, only 6% of birthing families receive support from a doula. Doulas are usually paid by families out of pocket, and care is not usually available to the populations for whom having a doula might have the greatest impact.

Some exciting changes are happening in the United States. Starting from around 2020, several studies found that racialized birthers and newborns experienced much poorer outcomes than their white counterparts, including an increased likelihood of death. This disparity was most significant for black people. These studies opened a floodgate of conversation about a Black maternal health crisis in the US. State healthcare systems are under significant political pressure to find solutions. Doula care is seen as a critical intervention that improves outcomes for racialized birthers and babies, and many Medicaid-funded doula programs are emerging (Rochester, Delaware, Michigan).

Sadly, Canada is lagging in finding innovative ways to make doula care accessible. One reason for this is that it is harder for researchers and advocates to demonstrate similar racial disparities because Canada does not collect race-based data. There is ample anecdotal evidence that Black and Indigenous people experience the same medical racism that has been identified in the US, but individual accounts can’t provide the level of “proof” that makes a strong case for funding.

That being said, a recent study by obstetrician researchers at McMaster University learned that birthers in Canada experience a high rate of operative vaginal deliveries (forceps or vacuum) and has higher rates of 3rd and 4th-degree tears than any other high-income country (CTV, 2023). Continuous support from a doula during childbirth reduces the need for interventions like operative deliveries.

Call to Action for International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women (November 25)

Whether you are a birthworker, a birther, or a concerned citizen, you can add your voice to the call for better access to doula care by doing two things:

  1. Write or call your Member of Provincial Parliament (MPP) and let them know you want coordinated public funding for doula care in your province’s healthcare plan. 
  2. If you have extended health coverage, call your insurance carrier and let them know you would like doula care to be an insured healthcare expense. More insurance companies covering doula care would make this support accessible to many more families.

Birthworker Affirmations for 16 Days

We use affirmations to buoy our clients, but what about using them to protect ourselves from burnout as we extend compassion to clients and act for systemic change? As part of our observance of 16 Days of Action Against Gender-Based Violence, we offer these 16 affirmations to support you on your birth work journey.

  1. My work humanizing birth humanizes communities. The merits of this work are limitless.
  2. My practice of self-compassion is integral to my ability to extend compassion to my clients.
  3. Changing one life changes everyone’s life. By supporting each person I honour our interconnectedness.
  4. My actions can make a difference.
  5. I will manifest the village I need to support me to continue manifesting change for birthers and families.
  6. By facilitating a non-judgemental space, I play an invaluable role in creating a safe space.
  7. By creating a sacred space for birth, I bring great joy to families, which increases my own joy.
  8. When I remember to take a deep breath, my client is reminded to breathe deeply.
  9. With collaboration and determination, we can realize humanized, empowering birth for all families. 
  10. My acts of service provide a blanket and a shield to families at their most vulnerable.
  11. My compassionate presence and loving words are a powerful antidote to suffering that can exist within birth, making space for more joy.
  12. By inspiring birthers and families to believe that physiological birth is possible, I play a tangible role in making physiological birth attainable.
  13. I will preserve my energy for the real struggle. 
  14. It is a blessing to walk alongside families during this intimate and transformative time, for which I am deeply grateful.
  15. With deeply rooted compassion, I can be a willow or an oak in service to my clients’ needs.
  16. With the birthwork community’s diligence, one day all births will be humanized births. I am honoured to be a part of this movement.

 

Keira Grant (she/her) Inclusion and Engagement Lead – Racialized Communities

Keira brings a wealth of experience to the Online Community Moderator role. She is a Queer, Black woman with a twenty-year track record in Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) education, projects, and community building initiatives.

 

We invite you to practice with the ones that resonate with you. Please share any of your own affirmations that would support the birthwork community.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Categories
Anti-Oppression community LGBTQ2S+ Trauma understanding bias

Trans Day of Remembrance

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1700318432768{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]Trans people’s existence is not an ideology. Transness is a natural and inevitable aspect of the wondrous biological and social diversity of human beings. As humans engage in a debate about whether or not some humans get to use bathrooms, attend school safely, and read stories to children, much of the panic regarding “gender ideology” is fueled by myths and misinformation that appear to have taken off like the wildfires that plagued us this Spring and Summer. 

Like wildfire, these myths are dangerous because they kill. Trans youth are at 7.9 times the risk of attempting suicide and 4 times more likely to be the victims of violent crime than their cis counterparts. Those who lose their lives to violence continue to be overwhelmingly trans, Black women. That’s why November 20 is Trans Day of Remembrance.

Here are some of the most toxic myths fanning the flames of fear and hate, followed by the facts that can douse those flames.

Myth 1: People come in two kinds, male and female. 

Fact: There is ample scientific evidence that human biology is far more complex than inny equals girl, outie equals boy. 

MRI-based studies show that the putamen (the region of the brain that controls cognitive functioning and other tasks) in trans people differs from structural norms that are consistent with their assigned gender and more closely resembles their felt gender. (Flint et. al. 2020; Clemens et. al. 2021)

Epigenetics is the emerging science regarding how different genes in our biological makeup get switched on and manifest. This epigenetic study found that since all human embryos start with the potential to be male or female, hormonal variation during sex differentiation can cause genetic changes that cause a person’s gender to be different from their sex.   

I’m a science junkie and I could go on with articles about hormone receptor mutations and genetic perspectives. But I think you get the idea that the biology of transness is a lot more complicated than the primer we got in grade school.

Myth 2: People who think their gender is different from their biological sex are mentally ill.

Fact: Well, technically being trans is a mental illness. The 5th edition of the Diagnostics and Statistics Manual (DSM-V), a compendium that provides diagnostic criteria for all mental illnesses, refers to transness as “gender dysphoria”. There is consensus among the mental health professionals that write the DSM that the appropriate treatment is supporting the person to live as their felt gender. Receiving a diagnosis and treatment for gender dysphoria is an involved process. It takes years to be approved for interventions like surgery. People under the age of 16 cannot receive permanent interventions like surgery. As the emerging biological science suggests, the classification of “gender dsyphoria” as a mental illness is controversial in trans communities. For now, people have to meet the diagnostic criteria in the DSM-V to receiving gender-affirming healthcare.

Myth 3: Trans people are emerging because of the new “gender ideology”.

Fact: While some of the terminology being used is relatively new, people whose gender experience differs from biological “norms” have always existed. Research shows that over 150 Indigenous nations on Turtle Island recognized a third gender before colonization. Indigenous communities were by no means unique. For example, hijras in South Asia have been recognized as a gender group dating back to the 1200s. Similarly, in pre-colonial Uganda, there was the mudoko dako.

Myth 4: Talking about trans people in schools “sexualizes children” and “grooms them” into becoming trans.

Fact: As the facts above demonstrate, trans people have always been here. People are born trans as a result of complex biological factors. The kind of experience they have is determined by society’s attitude toward them. In the pre-colonial societies I mentioned above, trans people were honored and respected members of their communities leading secure and productive lives. Talking about trans people will not make more of them magically appear. Explaining sexual and gender diversity to kids is no more inherently sexual than explaining heterosexual marriage. Failing to talk about LGBTQ+ people won’t make them go away. However, silence will make people more unsafe.

It’s fitting that November 20 is also National Child Day. The goal of the day is to open dialogue about the vulnerability of children and what we can do collectively to keep them safe and honour their rights. Telling kids the truth is how we can keep them safe. Treating all people with dignity and respect is how we create environments where kids feel safe to be themselves. Arming kids with the language to talk about their bodies and experiences is how we keep them safe from actual groomers. Building up their confidence and self-respect is how we keep trans kids alive and well.

 

Keira Grant (she/her) Inclusion and Engagement Lead – Racialized Communities

Keira brings a wealth of experience to the Online Community Moderator role. She is a Queer, Black woman with a twenty-year track record in Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) education, projects, and community building initiatives.

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Categories
birth community Trauma

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1698759996931{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]Let Clients Know You are a Safe Person to Disclose to about Intimate Partner Violence

“For one-quarter of women who experience DFV [Domestic and family violence], the violence begins during pregnancy. Where violence was previously occurring, it escalates in frequency and severity during pregnancy and early motherhood.” (Baird et. al., 2021)

Based on this disturbing truth, Baird and many other researchers recommend that all pregnant women be screened for intimate partner and domestic violence. There is a fair amount of controversy and debate within international healthcare systems and among individual providers regarding whether or not to implement this recommendation. 

Unfortunately, vulnerable pregnant people and children are caught in the middle of that debate. In Sault. Ste. Marie on Oct 24, 2023, 5 people including 3 children were killed due to domestic violence, renewing calls for intimate partner violence to be declared an epidemic.

We can avoid getting bogged down by debate and discomfort and put the well-being of birthers and families first by being a safe zone for clients to disclose IPV and other trauma. Here are some strategies I’ve used universally to let clients know they can tell me about domestic abuse. I can’t go into details for obvious reasons, but suffice it to say, these strategies work.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments about what you’re doing to support clients to open up about abuse and violence.

Create a Cone of Silence

When couples retain my services, my welcome email explains how each individual can communicate with me confidentially. The email is clearly a template, so it’s obvious that I’m not putting that out there for personal reasons. 

Then I initiate a chat with the birther via a communication channel that is obviously exclusive to them and me, usually a chat with a cell phone number that I know is theirs. This strategy isn’t perfect since many abusive partners closely monitor the victim’s communication channels. Still, including this in the welcome email normalizes situations where information should not be shared between partners.

Ask Everyone About Stressors

I ask clients to complete my intake questionnaire individually rather than as a team. The questionnaire invites the client to share about stressors in their home environment. I’m aware that not everyone might answer a question as blunt as “Are you being abused by your partner?” candidly, especially with someone they are still getting to know. Additionally, abuse can take many shapes and often goes unrecognized. Clients disclose a range of domestic issues in response to this question. Even if nothing is shared at that time, it sends a clear message that I am open to talking about practical, social, and emotional aspects of their pregnancy journey.

Leverage One-on-One Moments

Some things come out much more easily face-to-face than they do in other ways. Unfortunately, our work prenatally and postpartum often occurs while both members of a couple are present. I take advantage of times when the birther and I happen to be one-on-one to initiate conversations about the birth and postpartum life. I let all of my birthers know that while I’m here to support them as a team, the buck stops with them. If I have to make a choice, I’m ride or die for the birther. 

Have Resources at the Ready if Someone Discloses Abuse 

However the birther decides to handle the situation, I make sure I know about local resources that can support them in that choice. This encompasses therapists, organizations that support women to develop safety and escape plans, community legal clinics, and food security resources. 

 

For folks in Ontario, contacting the Assaulted Women’s Help Line is a great way to start figuring out your options to address intimate partner violence. 1.866.863.0511

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1698759879666{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]Keira Grant (she/her) Inclusion and Engagement Lead – Racialized Communities

Keira brings a wealth of experience to the Online Community Moderator role. She is a Queer, Black woman with a twenty-year track record in Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) education, projects, and community building initiatives.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”520952″][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Categories
Anti-Oppression birth Canada community Equity Trauma

International Day for the Eradication of Poverty

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1698093869318{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]The rising cost of food and collective grocery store anxiety rest on a bed of other precarious conditions. The price of everything has gone up. We are still seeing empty shelves in stores “post” pandemic as we head to the mall in shorts on a 33-degree October day. There are numerous causes for feeling uncertainty.

When society gets taken for a ride, children come right along with us. As someone who works with babies and families, on International Day for the Eradication of Poverty I’m reflecting on the fact that 50% of the world’s children are affected by poverty. 

Most of these children are not where I am sitting, in a high-cost-of-living, high-standard-of-living urban centre in Canada. However, people where I am are still afraid of not having enough, and it’s making many people afraid to start a family.

These fears are justified. Raising children is expensive, and we are facing a food crisis, a housing crisis, a climate crisis, and a healthcare crisis. People and families live in a lot of isolation which makes feeling secure challenging. Poverty has a significantly adverse impact on outcomes during pregnancy and childbirth, and on how all aspects of your life go from there.

Support from a doula reduces the risk of many of the adverse outcomes that poverty increases the risk of. Sadly, individuals who can benefit the most from improved outcomes are those who are least able to pay the cost of hiring a doula. 

Doulas and birth workers are a compassionate bunch. No one in this profession is here to get rich, and we want to provide our services to people who can benefit from them the most. However, we also have ourselves and our families to care for, and doing this work well takes time. Far too many kind-hearted people who have trained long and hard and love this work leave after a few years, turning to less rewarding work that pays the bills. When this happens, the doula’s skills go to waste and their community loses out on the transformative care they could have received.

Advocates within the doula sphere are exploring options to improve community access to doula support while making a long-term career in this field more sustainable. At Doula Canada, we are doing our part by developing a briefing note that will elucidate opportunities and challenges in the current perinatal care landscape, the potential for doulas and childbirth educators to leverage these opportunities and solve these challenges, and models whereby doula care could be cost-effectively funded by a mix of social partners including different levels of government, insurance companies, and foundations. This initiative is directed by the Advocacy Working Group, comprised of Doula Canada members and staff. The Advocacy Working Group is part of our commitment to manifest a culture of equity, diversity, and inclusion (EDI) action within our school. Stay tuned for more on the Doula Access Initiative in the coming months.

To connect with the Advocacy Working Group at Doula Canada, email Keira Grant, EDI Co-Lead at keira@doulatraining.ca.

 

Keira Grant (she/her) Inclusion and Engagement Lead – Racialized Communities

Keira brings a wealth of experience to the Online Community Moderator role. She is a Queer, Black woman with a twenty-year track record in Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) education, projects, and community building initiatives.

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Categories
Health Care Labour Doula pregnancy Trauma

Empowering NICU Parents as a Doula: Strategies for Support

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1696077782676{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]September is NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit)  Awareness Month. ​This special month is dedicated to acknowledging the challenges families face and providing them with the support and resources they need.

As a doula you will encounter times where families are navigating a baby in the NICU for various reasons. This is an overwhelming and difficult time for all of those involved. It is a traumatic separation of parents and baby. A time where navigating expectations of what parenting was supposed to be and what it is, is up against the fear of will my baby be ok. 

Often times as doulas we feel scared and unprepared in supporting families as they navigate their way through this journey. Here are a few ways you can show up for families in the NICU. 

Listen

Just as you might support someone going through any kind of trauma by listening as they speak, simply lending an open, non-judgmental ear can be of huge help to NICU parents. Focusing on listening ensures that you honor the experience they’re having, instead of clouding it with your insights, birth story, or advice.

Consider starting with, “Do you feel like talking?” before asking any questions about their status or that of the baby. They may really want to share with you how much weight the baby gained that day or how they’re doing on certain good days, or they may really want to vent on some terrible days. But they also may not want to talk.  Asking if they’re open to talking before diving into a conversation is a way to respect their boundaries.

Support them in establishing communication with their baby’s care team: 

NICU parents often feel insecure about how to provide care for their baby who is in such a fragile condition.  It is important for them to know they are just as needed in the NICU as the medical team. 

  • Remind them they are their baby’s best advocate
  • Help them formulate the questions they want to ask
  • Remind them they can provide care to their newborn, changing diapers, taking temperatures, etc. The nurses will support them. 
  • Encourage them to keep a daily journal of their babies progress. keeping track of  baby’s individual body systems, like breathing, digestion, heart, brain, eyes, and any special conditions the baby has.  Keep track of milestones and ask the nurse what the baby’s current goals are.  Sometimes the goals will change daily, and sometimes they will stay the same for weeks.

Offer Practical Support 

As a doula this is our wheelhouse. Just as we would in the home, offering clear and concise suggestions about the type of support you can offer will help overwhelmed parents get what they need. 

  • Work with their support system to arrange food delivery for in hospital support and those at home. Gift cards for restaurants in and around the hospital, premade easy to heat up meals and snacks or even e-transfers will be greatly appreciated. 
  • Offer to do a load of laundry and bring it to the hospital ( or arrange for a family member to do so) 
  • Offer to be a communication liaison between the family and their extended family and friends, or help them find their person
  • Remember that the birther is also dealing with recovery, help them with practical recovery strategies like pain management, pumping, etc. 

Remember that the fear does not end when baby comes home 

 There is a lot of excitement when baby comes home however this doesn’t mean that the fear and concerns have ended. Often parents have not fully processed the trauma of being in the NICU and coming home creates a space for all of that to surface. 

Find the parents counselling and peer support resources. Expect some hypervigilance when it comes to caring for baby. Patience and listening will continue to be important. 

What strategies and tools do you use to support families in the NICU? 

 

Sondra Marcon (she/her). Education and Administration Coordinator
Sondra’s background in family therapy and mental health work drives her to create environment for her clients and students that is both supportive and challenging of bias and assumptions. Teaching and development of curriculum drives her to continue to grow. Sondra’s drive to become a doula came when she saw the impact of early childhood experiences and parenting has on the wellness of both the infant and their parents.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Categories
community connection Trauma vulnerabiliity

World Suicide Prevention Day: Creating Hope Through Action

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1693608059856{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]This year’s theme for World Suicide Prevention Day is creating hope through action. 

There is a lot we can do intentionally to decrease suicidality and enhance hope among the perinatal population. 

According to this data analysis in Canadian Medical Association Journal, one in every 19 perinatal deaths is due to suicide, making suicide a leading cause of perinatal death. CMAJ notes that these findings speak to a need for stronger mental health support during and after pregnancy. Discussing perinatal health universally during prenatal support is a good starting point. Knowing what to watch out for, and raising awareness and discussion about is also essential. 

This 2022 article by Ann-Marie Bright and colleagues presents a scoping review of almost 20 years of literature on perinatal suicidality. Their central finding is that “The minimization of women’s experiences may lead to detrimental consequences and there is a need for increased knowledge of mental health problems by those working with women in the perinatal period to ensure safety planning conversations occur with every woman meeting ‘at risk’ criteria.”

Suicidal ideation is having thoughts of committing suicide. These thoughts occur on a spectrum ranging in frequency, intensity, and intentionality. While suicidal ideation does not always lead to a suicide attempt, suicide attempts and completed suicides are always preceded by suicidal ideation. Early identification and intervention regarding suicidal ideation as an important way of preventing suicide. 

Bright et. al divide the risk factors for suicidal ideation during the perinatal period into 3 categories:

  1. Biological, which includes:
    1. Nicotine and alcohol use
    2. Poor or low sleep
    3. Chronic illness
    4. Pregnancy conditions
    5. Complicated Birth
  2. Psychological, which includes 
    1. Trauma history
    2. Prior history of mental illness
    3. Pregnancy and infant loss
    4. Suicide attempt history
    5. Feeling unprepared to parent
  3. Social, which includes
    1. Unemployed/low income
    2. Inadequate support system
    3. Intimate partner violence
    4. Refugee Status
    5. Unhealthy relationships

 

There are two key takeaways for doulas in these findings. Firstly, this is a pretty lengthy list of risk factors and it’s not exhaustive. Suicidal ideation could affect anyone, from any walk of life. We need to talk to all clients about mental health and raise awareness regarding red flags for mental ill health, and share local treatment options.

Secondly, some people are more likely to be at risk than others. People who are marginalized and who have survived abuse and violence may need some extra helping hands. 

As birth workers, our role is in and of itself a powerful action against suicide. Support from a doula has been shown to significantly reduce postpartum depression and strengthen new parent relationships. Perhaps this is because having a doula can mitigate many of these risks identified by Bright et. al, such as complicated birth, feeling unprepared to parent, and an inadequate support system. We can’t underestimate the life-saving power and potential of this work. We need financial and infrastructural support to do this work and connect with the clients who need us the most. 

To learn more about how you can support suicide awareness and prevention in your birthwork practice, check out resources at Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention. 

This short video also provides excellent information on warning signs for postpartum depression. https://youtu.be/6kaCdrvNGZw?si=nBqLwhMLnFd–XK3

 

Keira Grant (she/her) brings a wealth of experience to her EDI Co-Lead role. She is a Queer, Black woman with a twenty-year track record in Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) education, projects, and community-building initiatives. As a mom and partner, she uses her lived experience to provide support and reflection for her clients and her work. Keira is the owner of Awakened Changes Perinatal Doula Services.

People exhibiting symptoms of perinatal mental illness should be encouraged to seek medical attention immediately.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Categories
Anti-Oppression Anti-racism work balance birth Business collaboration community connection Equity fear gratitude Health Care pregnancy rebranding shame starting fresh Trauma Volunteering vulnerabiliity

Using Doula Care as Community Aid: The Giving Equation

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1684151324317{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]As I’ve been going through our Truth and Reconciliation Action Plan, I’ve been continuously thinking about doula care and community aid, and how we can continue to decolonize our practices. As doula care becomes more “trendy” in current society, as it continues to dominate mostly higher-class spaces, how do we reflect on the roots of doula care, and stay true to community work? Of course, as doulas we do not feed ourselves and pay the bills off of warm and fuzzy feelings, but I think it is realistic to say most of us enter the field with a certain amount of passion and drive to create change in our communities. Whether that be being inspired by our own birth experience, or noticing how much of a difference our own doula made, most of us come to doula care for a deep reason.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1684151342874{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]However you identify, birth work has the ability to bring folks together. The birth and the postpartum periods are intimate and vulnerable. Individuals from marginalized communities may wish to hire someone with the same identity or lived experience as them. As someone from a certain background you may possess a set of skills, knowledge or spiritual/cultural teachings that someone from an outside identity may not. For example, a Muslim family may choose to hire a Muslim doula who may better understand their traditional customs and practices surrounding birth. An Indigenous family may choose an Indigenous doula who understands and celebrates their practices and understands the risk of violence within the medical system.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1684151427232{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Below are some tips on using your practice and voice as a doula to help your community:

  1. Marry your interests

An easy equation for finding what population you want to serve is this: identifier + lived experience + passions and skills.

Between your lived experiences and passions/interests and skill, lays your intended community. For example, as an Indigenous mental health practitioner who grew up low-income, I chose to narrow my focus on low-income families and trauma survivors. Think about the spaces you frequent, the groups you are a part of, your professional training and hobbies.

 

Identifier: Indigenous, Queer

Lived experience: Poverty

Skill: Social work background

Passion: Trauma

           _______________________________

Target communities:

Indigenous families

Queer Families

Low Income Families

Trauma Survivors

 

2. What can you afford to give?

Whether that is your time, or money, or expertise. Some doulas choose to dedicate acouple of births per year pro-bono or sliding scale. Perhaps, you decide to attend protests and events as a community member that are relevant to your population. You may have resources you don’t mind sharing.or books to loan out. Be creative!

 

3. Advocacy

What issues are impacting your community? How can you use your voice in a way that helps others? Perhaps you can assist in social movements regarding reproductive health.How do you use your social media. What current issues are really important to you?

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These are just a few of the ways that you can take your profession, and use it for social change. What other ways can you make waves?

 

Here are some exploratory journal prompts for you:

  • Why did I choose to become a doula?

  • What social issues am I passionate about?

  • What can I afford to give?

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1684154527320{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]-Kayt Ward, EDI Co-lead, BSW[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]