Category: LGBTQ2S+

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Anti-Oppression Anti-racism work Equity Health Care intersectionality lactation LGBTQ2S+ surrogacy understanding bias

Reflections on Trans Inclusion in Birth & Lactation Support

Response re Inclusive Language

Miriam Main, one of the directors of La Leche League Great Britain (LLLGB) recently resigned because she objects to the organizational directive to be inclusive of all people who lactate, regardless of sex or gender identity. Her open resignation letter explaining her decision echoes much of the feedback we’ve heard in recent years from birthworkers who disagree with our use of language such as “chestfeeding”, “birthing person” and other terms aimed at ensuring that all people who birth babies and feed infants from their mammary glands feel included and supported with the resources required to meet their feeding goals. 

Her objections to trans inclusivity include:

  • Women cannot be physically and emotionally open with “men” present
  • Men will make LLL meetings unsafe
  • It might be dangerous for men to feed babies
  • Men feeding babies separates them from their mothers, causing damage to the mother-baby dyad.

November 20 is Trans Day of Remembrance. The day was founded in 1999 in protest of the murders of two Black trans women, Rita Hester and Chanelle Pickett. There is heightened tension regarding this day this year because of the US election outcome. Trans people in the US and elsewhere are deeply afraid that emboldened transphobes will be incited to violence. Further restrictions on trans people’s ability to access affirming care is likely coming. The inability to access gender-affirming care increases suicidality among trans people. While Main claims that she is not anti-trans rights, unfortunately, rhetoric like Main’s fans the flames of fearful and hateful myths putting trans lives in danger.

The Confusion About Main’s Objections

Main is against the presence of “men” at LLL meetings. Confusingly, she includes transmen and non-binary people in a list of types of “women” she has effectively supported at LLL meetings in the past as a leader. When she uses the term “men” she could be referring to trans men who gave birth to their babies or trans women using the lactation induction protocol to assist with feeding their babies. Through this confusing use of language, Main appears to be asserting that trans men are “women” and that trans women are “men”.

Main’s view is rooted in an idea called “gender essentialism”. This is the belief that there are two genders, that gender and sex are the same, and that the characteristics of the genders are an innate, hardwired aspect of our biology. While many people subscribe to this normative view, there is a growing body of evidence that it is scientifically inaccurate. Since the dawn of recorded history, in cultures around the world, there have been people who don’t fall into the binary sex and gender categories of “man/male” or “woman/female”. Many cultures have acknowledged more than two genders. Now science is catching up with these age-old lived experiences. 

Main’s statement recirculates several myths that we as birth workers need to dismantle:

Women Cannot be Physically & Emotionally Open with “Men” Present

Main argues that it would be impossible to maintain the open, honest environment of LLL meetings if men were present. How could women feel comfortable talking about things like chapped and mangled nipples, or nurse in front of others if men are present? Main doesn’t realize it, but she answers her own question. She notes that breastfeeding is “the great leveler”. She observes that LLL group participants put aside differences regarding race, religion, income, politics, and sexual orientation. They are united in their shared goal of feeding their babies from their bodies. Whether participants are cis women, trans men, or trans women they are all dealing with chapped nipples, sleepless nights, and internal and external pressure to use bottles. Imagine the world we’d be living in if we developed our ability to focus on what we share rather than what divides us.

Men Will Make LLL Meetings Unsafe

She also fears that women may not feel comfortable coming forward about domestic violence if men are present, noting that 1 in 4 women have experienced intimate partner violence. A Canadian study of trans people conducted in 2019 found that 3 in 5 trans women had experienced intimate partner violence. Contrary to some of the rhetoric surrounding the recent US election, trans women are not usually the perpetrators of violence. They are in the population that is at increased risk of experiencing gender-based violence. Cultivating the erroneous belief that trans people are a source of violence is a significant inciter of violence against trans people. This needs to stop immediately.

Damage to the Mother-Baby Dyad

The letter raises safety concerns that are fear rather than fact-based. She posits harm to mothers and babies caused by ripping babies from their mothers’ arms so that men can feed them. Like much of what is fueling the current trans panic, this is a total red herring. Babies are not being ripped from their mother’s arms so that men can feed them. In the case of trans men, they are usually the gestational parents of their babies. Non-gestational parents with breast tissue can induce lactation. This includes cis women, trans men, and trans women becoming parents through adoption, surrogacy, or their partner carrying the baby. The protocol to induce lactation is rigorous, involving high doses of hormones and domperidone for several months before the birth. In cases where nursing is shared between a gestational and non-gestational parent, this is with the consent of both parents. For anyone who has fed a baby with their body, it should be easy to see why sharing the load of this labour might be desirable. 

Regardless of the exact nature of the situation, it’s safe to assume that anyone showing up to feed a baby at a La Leche League meeting is a parent to that baby. That’s really all that should matter.

It Might be Dangerous for “Men” to Feed Babies

She asserts that it might not be safe for babies to be fed by a “man”. She cites no evidence of any safety concerns. This is because there is none. Aside from universal precautions regarding substance use or infectious disease, If milk comes from your nipples, you can feed it to a baby. Where supply is inadequate to meet the baby’s nutritional needs, this can be addressed as it would be for anyone. We all know how frustrating and overwhelming supply issues can be. Parents experiencing this challenge need more compassion and support, not less.

There’s no reason to believe that trans lactators are at increased risk of under-supply or babies that are failing to thrive. In response to Main’s open letter, IBCLC Ashley Pickett has shared some helpful research. She notes that “When people take hormones, they can still breastfeed. It hasn’t been shown to be dangerous. Many AFABs [assigned female at birth] are entering menopause, and breastfeeding while on HRT [hormone replacement therapy]. Some trans women have taken estradiol and domperidone and their breastfed babies thrive.”

The potential for trans women to lactate and nurse is a new phenomenon, and as such, bound to raise concerns. Ashley Pickett, IBCLC addresses this with the best available evidence also. She cites two articles showing no cause for concern at this time:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37138506/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7462406/

Drawing from the articles she cites, she also provides evidence to allay fears that hormones are crossing over into the milk supply and causing harm to babies:

“Spironolactone is poorly excreted into breastmilk and there are no reported adverse effects on infants.

Cyproteone Acetate (used for [male to female] transitions as well as more commonly for acne and hirsutism, alopecia, etc) in people [assigned female at birth] transfers at 0.2% of the parental dose. However, in trans HRT uses high doses. Switching to an injectable Estradiol Valerate may be enough to elevate estrogen and not require an anti-androgen, and safely breastfeed. Breast development would remain, but she may grow some unwanted hair.

GnRH treatment has been used in postpartum contraception for decades, and in this time, has been shown to be as low as undetectable in milk and up to 1-2 micrograms per feed at max. The amount ingested had no biological activity in the infant (would be destroyed in the gut before entering the system). When taken throughout pregnancies, as it has been for many many experiencing fertility care since the 1990s, there has been “no specific hazard observed” among newborns exposure.”

 ~

The REAL issue

Evidence has nothing to do with Miriam Main’s underlying fear. It is the same as that of our members complaining about our use of gender-inclusive language. She is afraid that she and her fellow cis women are being erased from spaces that should feel like home. While this fear is an understandable conditioned reaction to change, it is unfounded. Cis women continue to comprise the majority of people who birth and lactate. Our use of inclusive language is an action to begin opening the door for trans and non-binary people who birth and lactate to receive affirmation and support. For cis women reading this, take a moment to imagine what it would feel like to walk into an LLL meeting knowing that there will probably not be anyone else in the room who is like you, but you need help feeding your baby all the same. Would you be brave enough to walk into that room? Would you be grateful for any gesture that made it a little easier?

Letting trans folks in doesn’t erase us as cis women. It is not usually presented this way, but trans inclusion and acceptance create more freedom for cis women. As we dismantle rigid, binary gender constructs and break down boundaries regarding what a “woman” can or should be, we are all freer to express ourselves authentically. I was raised in a family of women who couldn’t leave the house without “putting their faces on”. Now, I wear makeup when I feel like it. I speak truth to power without hesitation because I’m not limited by the belief that being a “woman” requires passivity. Every day I engage in numerous actions that I take for granted that would have been unthinkable for a Black woman a century ago. I owe a huge debt of gratitude to racialized trans ancestors, like Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera, who started the Stonewall Riots, and with them, the queer liberation movement in North America.

If we let go of the fear of erasure, we can invite in the potential for trans people to enrich birth and lactation spaces. We may discover that the experiences of trans people add an important perspective on issues affecting all of us who experience gender oppression and gender-based violence. Community support and mutual aid are not finite resources. We don’t have to worry that by making space for trans people, cis women will be squeezed out. There is room in the circle for everyone.

 

About the Author

Keira Grant

Keira Grant (she/her) Inclusion and Engagement Lead – Racialized Communities

Keira brings a wealth of experience to the Online Community Moderator role. She is a Queer, Black woman with a twenty-year track record in Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) education, projects, and community building initiatives.

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Bi-Sexual LGBTQ2S+ pride

Bisexual Clients Are Headed Your Way

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1727116431360{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]A Gallup poll conducted in 2021 found that 1 in 6 Gen Zers identify as LGBT+. Half of them identify as bisexual, with women being more likely to have this identity than men. For those of us working with pregnant clients, we can expect that Gen Z will account for an increasing share of our clientele.

Sometimes our students tell us that they don’t believe the LGBTQ content in our Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion model isn’t relevant for them because they don’t expect to serve LGBTQ people in their practice. That expectation is becoming profoundly unrealistic. Many people are Queer or Trans, but you have to create a welcoming environment for those clients to open up to you.

This is especially true for Bisexual people. While Bisexual people are the largest group within the LGBTQ population, we are also the most invisible. That’s why our awareness day is called Bisexual Visibility Day (September 21). Data shows that bisexual people are more likely than other sexual minorities to stay in the closet, and less likely to engage with the Queer community. This leads to higher rates of mental illness, suicide and other bad outcomes among the bisexual population. Even for bisexual people who are out, bi identity gets erased if we settle down in long-term, monogamous relationships. Many people find themselves being lumped into the categories of “gay” or “straight” depending on their relationship status.

This impact becomes more profound when bisexual people choose to parent. Cultural beliefs about the nuclear family intersect with assumptions about relationships, making many bisexual parents feel even less free to express their authentic selves.

We can improve outcomes for bisexual people and families by dismantling some of these inaccurate beliefs. I have been at LGBTQ family drop-ins where opposite-sex couples in attendance get side-eyed and are less likely to be engaged in conversation because of the assumption that they are straight people taking up queer space. We need to challenge ourselves to step outside of those limiting beliefs.

Conversely, many bisexual people don’t feel at home in straight parenting spaces either. We find ourselves thrown into uncomfortable conversations where straight, monogamous relationships are a “norm” that may not apply to our lives and histories. Once, in a group of otherwise straight parents, I was asked to tell the story of how my wife and I met. Since we met through mutual acquaintances connected to an ex-boyfriend she was dating at the time (years before we started dating), her dating history came up. At that point, one of the parents responded incredulously, “Wait a second, did you turn her?”.

Of course, my wife and I laughed about it later and I’ve thought of all sorts of hilarious responses to the suggestion that I “turned” my wife bisexual like you turn a person into a vampire. But at the time I felt pretty put on the spot and there was no clever quip at the tip of my tongue. I know the parent who asked was sincerely curious and meant no harm. However, I’ve been out as bi for over a quarter of a century. It’s obviously not a phase, and continuously finding myself in conversations where bisexuality isn’t considered a possibility or worse, gets dismissed, is exhausting.

As parents and birth workers, we need to open our awareness to the presence of bisexual people in our communities. We need to abandon the idea that we can assume a person’s sexual identity based on their appearance, mannerisms, or relationship status. Embracing conversations with curiosity, and being free from assumptions and judgment is a great first step.

Some very persistent myths about bisexuality need to be identified as untrue. Bisexuals are not confused, it is not a phase. We are not “switching sides” as we navigate different relationships. Bisexuality does not impact our ability to participate in any relationship modality truthfully. There are monogamous, ethically non-monogamous, and polyamorous bisexual people. Being in a long-term, monogamous relationship does not change a person’s bisexuality. It’s about the breadth of our capacity to love and be loved.

People of all relationship statuses and sexual identities should be supported to parent. As doulas, creating a space where clients feel welcome to bring all aspects of themselves to the birth room and new parenthood is a powerful offering that supports families in realizing the brightest possible future.

 

Keira Grant (she/her) Inclusion and Engagement Lead – Racialized Communities

Keira brings a wealth of experience to the Online Community Moderator role. She is a Queer, Black woman with a twenty-year track record in Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) education, projects, and community building initiatives.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

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LGBTQ2S+ pride

Pride is Being There for Each Other

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text title=”Pride is Being There for Each Other” css=”.vc_custom_1717529719709{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]Nowadays, the word “Pride” is almost immediately associated with “Parade” in many people’s minds. But in the LGBT2SQ+ community we know that at its inception “Pride” went with “Protest”.

Most people think of the Stonewall Riots as the start of the gay liberation movement in North America. Here in Toronto, we had a similar watershed moment that acted as a catalyst for the emergence of the June Pride Festival. On February 5, 1981, Metropolitan Toronto Police initiated Operation Soap. Four Toronto bathhouses were raided and over 300 men were arrested. This was the largest mass arrest in Canadian history at the time. The arrests caused careers and families to be destroyed. The event sparked nation-wide protests and was an important turning point for Queer and Trans liberation in Canada.

These protests and rallies denouncing Operation Soap evolved into the Toronto Pride Festival, one of the largest pride festivals in the world.

In the four and a half decades since Operation Soap, there have been many reasons for our community to celebrate. We’ve made important strides forward like marriage equality and easier access to family-building. And by celebrating our identities, we resist the pressure to hide, assimilate, and deny our truth.

However, Pride still needs to be a protest. Backlash is here and it’s a real threat. Unfortunately, children seem to be the primary targets of this backlash. There is a movement aiming to make it hard for kids with queer parents to talk openly about their families and be affirmed at school while making it difficult for kids with cis, straight parents to learn that queers exist and humanize them. This movement also aims to force educators to disclose confidential information about the gender identity of their students, which would inevitably expose some of these children to abuse. A federal ban on conversion therapy in 2022 has simply driven the practice more underground, and no charges have been laid under the new legislation. Kids can’t show up to listen to drag queens read stories without having to walk past a phalanx of angry anti-trans protestors.

We can drown out this hateful backlash with a flood of compassion. It starts by declaring proudly and unequivocally that you affirm queer and trans people in your birth work practice. Then, you bring the skills to the table.

Here’s a guide to resources that can support you in growing a queer and trans-competent birthwork practice.

The Queer Doula Toolkit

This free download developed by Wellness Within and Nova Scotia Public Interest Research Group (NPIRG) is a must-have resource for birth workers supporting queer and trans clients. It is choc full of educational resources and fillable exercises. Some of these are on topics that are relevant to the 2SLGBTQ communities, like pronouns, queer families, and queer terminology. Others go over the usual perinatal health topic in a queer-trans-inclusive way. The toolkit is illustrated with vividly realized characters encompassing humans of all shapes, sizes, colours, gender presentations, abilities, and family structures.

The fillable exercises include a queer-affirming and trauma-informed birth plan. The birth plan is supported by trauma-informed reflections that ask the client to reflect on their triggers and potential coping strategies. The strategies can be documented in the plan, including how their doula can help.

 

Books & TV

Why Did No One Tell Me This? The doulas’ honest guide for expectant parents.

This book is a great resource for parents and birth workers. It’s not specifically queer, but it is written from an intersectional standpoint and uses inclusive language and imagery throughout. It’s a great option for parents looking to supplement their prenatal class or work with a doula and affirms a wide range of birthing people.

 

What Makes a Baby?

If the older sibling of a gayby (child of same-sex parents) wants to know where their new sibling came from, this is the book for them. Appropriate for early-years children, it answers the question “Where do babies come from?” in a way that is scientific and inclusive of the various ways in which queer and trans people family-build.

 

 

Flamingo Rampant

This independent children’s press has a beautiful and ever-growing selection of children’s books that celebrate the diversity of families and identities. Operating from an intersectional social justice lens, this publisher prioritizes stories about gender and sexually diverse children, youth, adults and families doing things that are bold, cool, adventurous and fun without making identity the focus of the story. Each book radiates a message of joy, acceptance, community, and love.

 

 

 

Keira Grant (she/her) Inclusion and Engagement Lead – Racialized Communities

Keira brings a wealth of experience to the Online Community Moderator role. She is a Queer, Black woman with a twenty-year track record in Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) education, projects, and community building initiatives.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Categories
Anti-Oppression birth Canada community Equity fear intersectionality LGBTQ2S+ pride reducing stigma sexual health shame

The Importance of Being Seen: Trans Day of Visibility & Pink Shirt Day

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When I was a kid, we were taught that not seeing differences, or being “colour-blind” was the right way to be “tolerant” and “accepting” of diversity. We hear echoes of this sentiment when we hear “They can do whatever they want behind closed doors, but why do they have to flaunt it in our faces?”

March 31 was Trans Day of Visibility and April 10 was International Day of Pink. Both observances attest to the importance of being seen as an integral dimension of human rights and inclusion. People who can only be their authentic selves behind closed doors can’t hold their same-sex partner’s hand during the anatomy ultrasound, or tell their care team that they want to be called “Papa” after they give birth. People who are forced to hide their identity behind closed doors are at risk of getting beaten up in bathrooms and dying by suicide behind closed doors. Trans people need to be seen so that kids like Nex Bennedict can go to school safely. Behind closed doors is exactly where abuse and violence hide.

Having safety to be seen means being able to fully participate in society. It boils down to countless everyday things that people take for granted when their identities are not contested. Being able to use public washrooms without risking confrontation or violence. Accessing information on reproductive health that normalizes your body and healthcare experiences. Not being asked to explain where your partner is at prenatal appointments when they are in the exam room with you. Being able to find pregnancy attire that aligns with your usual style.

Trans and queer people need to call for visibility and wear pink to get noticed so that we can lead normal lives.

As birth workers, here are some things we can do to help queer and trans folks feel seen in the reproductive and perinatal wellness sphere:

  • State explicitly in your promotional materials that you welcome and affirm queer and trans people
  • Use gender-neutral language in your promotional materials and handouts
  • Have open conversations with clients about their preferred pronouns and terms for their parenting roles and body parts.
  • Become familiar with resources in your community that support queer and trans families so you can make great referrals.
  • Educate yourself on health inequities faced by queer and trans birthers
  • Challenge queer and transphobia in yourself and others

You can find out more about Trans VisibilityVisibilty Day here

You can find out more about International Day of Pink here

 

Keira Grant (she/her) Inclusion and Engagement Lead – Racialized Communities

Keira brings a wealth of experience to the Online Community Moderator role. She is a Queer, Black woman with a twenty-year track record in Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) education, projects, and community building initiatives.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Categories
Anti-Oppression community LGBTQ2S+ Trauma understanding bias

Trans Day of Remembrance

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1700318432768{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]Trans people’s existence is not an ideology. Transness is a natural and inevitable aspect of the wondrous biological and social diversity of human beings. As humans engage in a debate about whether or not some humans get to use bathrooms, attend school safely, and read stories to children, much of the panic regarding “gender ideology” is fueled by myths and misinformation that appear to have taken off like the wildfires that plagued us this Spring and Summer. 

Like wildfire, these myths are dangerous because they kill. Trans youth are at 7.9 times the risk of attempting suicide and 4 times more likely to be the victims of violent crime than their cis counterparts. Those who lose their lives to violence continue to be overwhelmingly trans, Black women. That’s why November 20 is Trans Day of Remembrance.

Here are some of the most toxic myths fanning the flames of fear and hate, followed by the facts that can douse those flames.

Myth 1: People come in two kinds, male and female. 

Fact: There is ample scientific evidence that human biology is far more complex than inny equals girl, outie equals boy. 

MRI-based studies show that the putamen (the region of the brain that controls cognitive functioning and other tasks) in trans people differs from structural norms that are consistent with their assigned gender and more closely resembles their felt gender. (Flint et. al. 2020; Clemens et. al. 2021)

Epigenetics is the emerging science regarding how different genes in our biological makeup get switched on and manifest. This epigenetic study found that since all human embryos start with the potential to be male or female, hormonal variation during sex differentiation can cause genetic changes that cause a person’s gender to be different from their sex.   

I’m a science junkie and I could go on with articles about hormone receptor mutations and genetic perspectives. But I think you get the idea that the biology of transness is a lot more complicated than the primer we got in grade school.

Myth 2: People who think their gender is different from their biological sex are mentally ill.

Fact: Well, technically being trans is a mental illness. The 5th edition of the Diagnostics and Statistics Manual (DSM-V), a compendium that provides diagnostic criteria for all mental illnesses, refers to transness as “gender dysphoria”. There is consensus among the mental health professionals that write the DSM that the appropriate treatment is supporting the person to live as their felt gender. Receiving a diagnosis and treatment for gender dysphoria is an involved process. It takes years to be approved for interventions like surgery. People under the age of 16 cannot receive permanent interventions like surgery. As the emerging biological science suggests, the classification of “gender dsyphoria” as a mental illness is controversial in trans communities. For now, people have to meet the diagnostic criteria in the DSM-V to receiving gender-affirming healthcare.

Myth 3: Trans people are emerging because of the new “gender ideology”.

Fact: While some of the terminology being used is relatively new, people whose gender experience differs from biological “norms” have always existed. Research shows that over 150 Indigenous nations on Turtle Island recognized a third gender before colonization. Indigenous communities were by no means unique. For example, hijras in South Asia have been recognized as a gender group dating back to the 1200s. Similarly, in pre-colonial Uganda, there was the mudoko dako.

Myth 4: Talking about trans people in schools “sexualizes children” and “grooms them” into becoming trans.

Fact: As the facts above demonstrate, trans people have always been here. People are born trans as a result of complex biological factors. The kind of experience they have is determined by society’s attitude toward them. In the pre-colonial societies I mentioned above, trans people were honored and respected members of their communities leading secure and productive lives. Talking about trans people will not make more of them magically appear. Explaining sexual and gender diversity to kids is no more inherently sexual than explaining heterosexual marriage. Failing to talk about LGBTQ+ people won’t make them go away. However, silence will make people more unsafe.

It’s fitting that November 20 is also National Child Day. The goal of the day is to open dialogue about the vulnerability of children and what we can do collectively to keep them safe and honour their rights. Telling kids the truth is how we can keep them safe. Treating all people with dignity and respect is how we create environments where kids feel safe to be themselves. Arming kids with the language to talk about their bodies and experiences is how we keep them safe from actual groomers. Building up their confidence and self-respect is how we keep trans kids alive and well.

 

Keira Grant (she/her) Inclusion and Engagement Lead – Racialized Communities

Keira brings a wealth of experience to the Online Community Moderator role. She is a Queer, Black woman with a twenty-year track record in Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) education, projects, and community building initiatives.

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Categories
community connection Equity LGBTQ2S+

Bisexual Visibility Day

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1695560834217{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]According to national data, bisexuals make up the lion’s share of the LGB population. Yet, we are also the most invisible. This is because sexual orientation is usually interpreted based on relationship status and household composition, rather than on how an individual experiences their sexuality.

My wife and I have been together for 16 years, and co-parenting together for 11 years. We are both bisexual. Rarely is our family interpreted accurately by the outside world. I am Black, she is white, our kid is mixed race and presents as Black. We are also both femmes. As a result of these factors, we have been in countless interactions where my wife has been interpreted, and treated as “my friend who helps me out with my kid”. She has actually been a part of every moment of his life since he was an ultrasound image.

If she takes him to medical appointments she is asked to substantiate who she is in relation to him, or now that he is older, he has been asked to confirm her identity. This doesn’t happen when I take him to medical appointments. It is a good practice to confirm the relationship between adults and children at medical appointments. However, this seems to be happening based on race, sexual orientation, and gender-based assumptions about families, rather than as a universal safety precaution.

We’ve come a long way in terms of normalizing same-sex households, but as recently as this past school year, our kid came home with a form that had spots for “mother” and “father”. It is so easy to create a form that has two spaces for “parent/guardian”. Outdated forms such as this one exclude a lot of families that aren’t “same-sex households”. 

In general, we’re not very surprised by these microaggressions as we navigate a heterosexist world. What often lands more painfully are the microaggressions from within the LGBTQ community in relation to our bisexuality.

Recently, we were at a comedy night that was heavily attended by queer and trans people. Despite the largely queer crowd, one of the comedians made a biphobic joke. We groaned and gave each other knowing eye-rolls. This reaction sparked a conversation with a lesbian couple that was seated at the same table. We got to chatting with them and when we revealed that we have been together for the better part of 2 decades and are raising a child together, they made a remark that we have heard in lesbian spaces before: “Oh, well it’s like you’re lesbians then”. 

Like many microaggressions, the intention was clearly complimentary, but that’s definitely not how it landed. We are proud bisexual women. Our relationship with each other doesn’t change that. In these conversations, we find ourselves resisting the temptation to disclose being polyamorous and our relationships with men as a counterargument. No one should have to justify being Bi. That is just what some people are. We all understand that a person who’s been celibate for an extended amount of time isn’t necessarily asexual. It’s the same thing really. My sexual orientation is the one I was born with. Relationships are choices I make over time.

Not all same-sex couples are gay and lesbian. Not all different-sex couples are straight. Many of us raise children using a variety of family and community structures. Being told we are not real or that our identity is a phase hurts. 

A great way to make the world less painful for bisexuals and their families is to normalize and represent different family structures. Right now, there is a culture war over when it’s okay to start talking to kids about LGBTQ+ people. 

Who among us can remember receiving an explanation about marriage and families? We take for granted that there is no need to explain these concepts. We learn about these and other institutions by observing the world around us. LGBTQ+ people are part of the world. Representing queer and trans folk in a child’s world from day one is how we present an accurate portrait of reality.

There is content that affirms family diversity for all ages. Independent children’s publisher Flamingo Rampant offers an excellent selection of children’s books that show race, sexual, bodily, ability, and gender diversity with people and families doing all sorts of fun and magical things. Super Power Baby Shower by Toby Hill-Meyer and Fay Onyx tells the story of a queer, polyamorous family of superheroes preparing to have a baby! 

 Keira Grant (she/her) brings a wealth of experience to her EDI Co-Lead role. She is a Queer, Black woman with a twenty-year track record in Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) education, projects, and community-building initiatives. As a mom and partner, she uses her lived experience to provide support and reflection for her clients and her work. Keira is the owner of Awakened Changes Perinatal Doula Services.

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Anti-Oppression community connection Equity intersectionality LGBTQ2S+ Newsletters pride understanding bias vulnerabiliity

Unlearning the Nuclear Family

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1685714926487{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]When I was a kid in the 80s, the family sitcom dominated television. From the Huxtables to the Keatons, to the Seavers, it was always Mom, Dad, and 2.5 kids. By then, the nuclear family had become the norm, so usually, both Mom and Dad worked outside the home. 

I always knew I wanted to be a mom someday. Even though my family didn’t look like the ones I saw on TV (I was raised by an Aunt and a Grandma), somehow it never occurred to me that the family I made someday would look different from the ones I saw on TV. I always pictured Daddy, babies, and me.

As I got older and came out as bisexual, my visions of future family life expanded to include the possibility of parenting with a “Daddy” or another “Mommy”, but I was still locked into a really nuclear understanding of what “families” looked like. 

Now my life has taught me a lot better. I do parent my only child with my wife, but welcoming Baby into our family made so much more than three. Our chosen family comprised of friends and partners from our queer and polyamorous communities has always been a huge part of our parenting journey.

We know many beautiful families configured in ways that transcend a couple with kids. We know quartets of a lesbian couple and a gay couple who have chosen to co-parent. We know gay and lesbian besties who have chosen to co-parent with their respective biological and chosen families behind them. We know lesbian couples with a known sperm donor who is deeply involved in their child’s life. There are triads or “thrupples” (a partnership involving 3 adults) who choose to raise families. This could look like a mom having a baby with each of her two male partners, or two women each having a baby with their male partner or any other number of ways of creating a family.

The reality is that Queer and Trans Culture isn’t just about having a life partner who was assigned the same sex as you at birth. Our cultural norms are forged from a history where the most conventional, nuclear way that we could have a family was still socially unacceptable. Many of us and our queer elders were rejected by our biological families for being honest about who we are. As a result, our community has been resourceful and resilient in carving out new ways of defining “family” and building family units that allow us to be whole. We create our own villages that know who we are, where we’ve been, and where we’re going to support us while we child rear and do this thing called life.

5 was a vital turning point for queer and trans families. It made the relationship to the child the focus of parental rights, rather than biology. The law also makes it possible for more than two people to be the legal parents of a child. This legal change was extremely important, but it’s only a fraction of the needed social change.

We must unlearn the idea that “parent+parent+kid(s)=family”. There are infinite equations that can add up to a family. As professional support people, we can embrace the expectation that clients seeking our help could come in ones, twos, or more, reflecting any mix of gender identities. 

We can also expect that folks living outside the parental binary are seeking our support specifically because they can expect that other parts of the health and social service systems don’t expect them, and might be hostile toward anything or anyone that challenges their expectations. We can create an unconditional blanket of compassion and support around all the beautiful shapes and sizes that families come in. That blanket is also a shield against fear and hate that preserves the sacredness of the parenting journey for all people.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][mk_padding_divider][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1686178152124{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Keira Grant (she/her) Inclusion and Engagement Lead – Racialized Communities

Keira brings a wealth of experience to the Online Community Moderator role. She is a Queer, Black woman with a twenty-year track record in Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) education, projects, and community building initiatives.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Categories
Anti-Oppression intersectionality LGBTQ2S+ pride Uncategorised vulnerabiliity

Why Representation Matters.

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”502714″ img_size=”full” alignment=”center”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][mk_padding_divider][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1685976157863{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]As Pride month comes to a start, I decided to write a more personal piece for the Doula Canada blog. As many queer people know, the process of coming out isn’t linear nor a one time deal. Queer people often come out over and over, in every day interactions. We decide whether or not its safe to come out, whether or not it will have repercussions professionally, socially, and within our family circles. Pride comes with a lot of baggage. Working at a feminist vocational school, that celebrates diversity and inclusion, I know that writing this is a safe space. 

You see, I’m freshly out. I’ve been “out” as pansexual for about five years, but being “conceptually queer” and “actively queer” feel very different. Not that pansexuals do not struggle, we do, but we have one of those “border” identities where we can experience privilege and oppression at the same time, i.e. “passing”. Being able to pansexual while being in opposite sex relationships had a sense of “safety” in it. I could identify as queer, but also feel accepted and included by following compulsory heterosexuality. 

What is that you ask? Compulsory heterosexuality is the concept that society favors those who act in heterosexual ways. Our social norms favor heterosexuality, and it is assumed to be the default. You see this when someone asks you if you have a spouse of the opposite sex. When teachers can speak about their partners freely (as long as they are straight) and we assume things about strangers we do not know. Being conceptually queer, but passing as “actively straight” kept me safe. I didn’t have to have uncomfortable conversations, debate whether someone would be accepting of my partner, or wonder if it would be a deal breaker for a job. Until one day, passing didn’t work for me.

I’m 28 years old from a rural area in Northeastern Ontario. I went to a Catholic school where bringing a partner of the same sex to prom was forbidden, and we were told our “lifestyles” were unnatural and against God. I came from an area where queer people were (visibly) few and far between, and if they were outed they were ostracized for being “predators” or other horrendous, homophobic things. At one point, I thought I was queer when I was about 14 years old. A school counselor told me that all girls feel that way at some point, and I believed her. As I grew up, I thought I was emotionally bankrupt to all my boyfriends, that perhaps I was asexual, or traumatized, and that one day I would marry a husband. Asexuality and trauma are valid, but for me, it was a mask that seemed “more appropriate or acceptable” than the thought that I may be attracted to women. I didn’t realize that most women don’t see finding a husband as a begrudging task on a to-do list. This was compounded by the “ball and chain” rhetoric of a heteronormative and often misogynist society. Dating, sex, and marriage is supposed to be disappointing if you are a woman with a man (we’re often told).  It was easier for me to believe I may be asexual or traumatized than to think I may one day marry a woman. This is when I realized, I may not be attracted to men at all. But I didn’t know what that would look like.

Representation matters, because I had none. 

I was 20 before I saw a lesbian in a professional role, that wasn’t actively trying to hide her identity from the institution she was employed from. She was my Women’s Studies 1000 professor, and I thought about how brave that was. I didn’t realize that queer women could be out in positions of power without punishment.

I was 24 before I realized that you could be queer without ostracization in a bigger city. I was surrounded by queer friends who were living their joyful lives, loving their partners, and living (mostly) without harassment.

I was 26 before I met my first queer couple with children. I was downtown Toronto and finally seeing lesbian and gay couples living loud and proud, and simple and boring just like any other couples. I had never seen pregnancy and childrearing in queer couples, and had always tied my dream of having kids with being in a heterosexual relationship. Representation changed this for me.

How does this relate to doula work? Easy. If you’re a queer doula, you are actively showing the world that queer people belong in the doula space. If you’re creating inclusive advertising for trans and queer people, you are telling them you see them, and they belong in the reproductive health discussion. When you use a trans person’s pronouns, you are validating their experience and showing them you respect their identity. When you learn about surrogacy, IVF, and adoption support, you are creating more services for queer people to access.

Representation matters because it shows queer youth, and queer adults that their experiences are normal, and can be expansive and joyful. It shows others the possibilities within being queer. It shows us our dreams can exist in a comphet society, and that we don’t have to give up a part of ourselves to be happy. So this pride, when you hear someone say “Why do they have to be so LOUD about it?” tell them its for every queer person who is forced to live quietly, and is silently listening.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator color=”violet”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1685976337654{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Kayt (she/her) is an Anishnaabe kwe from Bonnechere Algonquin territory and the owner of Sweetgrass Solace Wholistic Support. Her post-secondary education includes a Bachelor of Social Work and Bachelor of the Arts in Indigenous Studies from Trent University (2021). She is also a certified hatha yoga teacher and a certifying birth and postpartum Doula.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Categories
About Us Anti-Oppression Anti-racism work birth Business collaboration community connection decolonization Equity indigenous doula intersectionality Labour Doula LGBTQ2S+ Postpartum Doula research Trauma understanding bias

Doula Canada Presents: Anti-O Bingo

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Aaniin Doulas!

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This month we are introducing a new EDI initiative, and we want our students and alumni to play! Introducing…. Anti-O Bingo!
You’ve given your input, and we’re listening. Through our Truth and Reconciliation Action Plan, and our EDI surveys, we have identified anti-oppression and cultural training as one of the many areas Doula Canada doulas are interested in pursuing.

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How to play:
1. Click HERE to download your free Anti-O Bingo Card
2. Attend an event from each category
3. At each event, ask your facilitator for your custom .jpeg stamp. Paste it into a doc! (Remember to save it!). If you are attending a livestream (Just Birth, Fireside Chat, etc), please submit a paragraph on what you learned to kayt@doulatraining.ca
4. When you have all 8 stamps, please submit your doc to kayt@doulatraining.ca for your Anti-Oppression in Doula Care 101 Certificate and a ballot to win an $100 Etsy Gift Card.

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You have until December 31, 2023. Good Luck!

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Chi Miigwetch! Nia:wen!
Kayt Ward and Keira Grant, EDI Leads

[/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”494571″ img_size=”full”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][mk_button corner_style=”rounded” size=”large” url=”https://stefanie-techops.wisdmlabs.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/edi-bingo.pdf” align=”center”]Get Your Anti-O Bingo Card here![/mk_button][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Categories
birth Business Canada collaboration community Equity fertility Health Care Labour Doula LGBTQ2S+ Menopause pregnancy research sex

2023 Social Media Event Calendar

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”484291″ img_size=”full”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”484292″ img_size=”full”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”484293″ img_size=”full”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”484294″ img_size=”full”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”484295″ img_size=”full”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”484296″ img_size=”full”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”484297″ img_size=”full”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”484298″ img_size=”full”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”484299″ img_size=”full”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”484300″ img_size=”full”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”484301″ img_size=”full”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”484302″ img_size=”full”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”484303″ img_size=”full”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_btn title=”Download the PDF version here” color=”default” size=”lg” align=”center” button_block=”true” css=”.vc_custom_1676052454054{background-color: #5b6e74 !important;}” link=”url:https%3A%2F%2Fstefanie-techops.wisdmlabs.net%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2023%2F02%2F2023-dtc-awareness-calendar.pdf”][/vc_column][/vc_row]