As doulas, we’re taught how to care for others, to hold space, soothe, share information, and advocate but doula as a healer also means caring for ourselves, noticing the parts within us that still ache and the emotions that arise when a client’s story mirrors our own or when we witness an injustice that hits too close to home.
The reality is that doula work- or really any kind of birthwork- goes far beyond simply supporting families. We stand in sacred spaces where new life enters this world. We are present at the precipice of profound transformation.
Every time we walk into a birthing space, a postpartum home, or a prenatal session, we don’t just bring the skills and definitions we learned in doula training; we bring our whole selves: our energy, our beliefs, our stories, and even our unhealed parts.
The work we do isn’t separate from who we are. A doula who tends to their inner world — their emotional, spiritual, physical, and somatic wellbeing — becomes a vessel for deeper healing. When we do our inner work, we realize that the steadiness we offer our clients begins with the steadiness we cultivate within ourselves.
Birthwork asks us to show up with open hearts in moments of raw vulnerability and, at times, to navigate trauma- our clients’ and our own. If we haven’t taken the time to explore our personal stories of pain, loss, or injustice, we may unintentionally carry that energy into the birth space.
That said, doing our inner work doesn’t make us magically immune to triggers-it helps us become aware of them (which is a superpower in its own right!). This awareness allows us to pause, breathe, and respond from compassion rather than reactivity.
Each of us is a collection of stories, shelved away either hesitantly or lovingly- and these stories shape the way we show up, both in our own lives and in the presence of our clients. The key isn’t to suppress your story, but to witness it. Notice when you feel resistance, judgment, or an emotional charge around a client’s experience- that’s often your cue that something within you is asking to be tended to.
Ways to Nurture Your Own Healing While Serving Others
- Journaling after each client: Reflect on what moments felt heavy, empowering, or triggering.
- Grounding practices: Breathwork, prayer, or gentle movement between client meetings or births to regulate your nervous system.
- Peer debriefing or mentorship: Find someone who can hold space for you without judgment.
- Therapy or spiritual counseling: Normalize seeking professional help; your clients benefit when you’re emotionally grounded.
- Rituals of release: After a birth, recite affirmations or a nature walk, to release the emotional energy you’ve held.
The key is to find a rhythm that works for you… You give, then you empty, then you refill.
As cliché as it sounds, you truly can’t pour from an empty cup- but you can pour from a full one that overflows with purpose, presence, and peace.
Author: Asma Rahman, DSC Instructor, Certified Birth & Postpartum Doula
About the Author: Aunjrya Fleming
Asma is a DSC Instructor and Certified Birth & Postpartum Doula, as well as a proud visible Muslim woman, activist, and mother of three. Passionate about accessible and faith-based birthwork, her approach is rooted in community care, advocacy, and anti-racism.
