When we step into this work, we’re often drawn by the all-encompassing nature of birth — the sacredness, the strength, the transformation, the beauty. What every doula needs to know before attending births is that no amount of reading or training can fully prepare you for what it means to live birthwork: to be called at 3 a.m., to witness both triumph and heartbreak, and to hold space for stories that mirror parts of your own.
Looking back at almost a decade of walking with clients on their birth journey, here are five lessons I wish I knew when I first started attending births. Consider these a reminder to ground yourself not just in skill, but in sustainability and spirit.
1. Rest is part of your role.
Early on, I thought being a doula meant saying yes to every call, showing up endlessly, and pushing through exhaustion. It took me time (and a few near-burnouts) to realize that the way we care for ourselves directly shapes the way we care for others.
It’s no secret to birthworkers that birth is unpredictable, And so, you have to be predictable in how you honor your own body. Rest when you can, eat before you’re starving, stay hydrated, stretch, pray, breathe. These small acts are part of your professional preparation.
A doula’s body is their strongest asset. Tend to it with the same respect and attentiveness that you offer your clients.
2. Your systems will hold you when your energy can’t.
Before every birth, we meticulously prep our doula bag with all the things we feel our clients might benefit from. Oils, snacks, notes, candles… but the real preparation is in the unseen systems that support you.
Before births: Think about all the moving parts in your everyday life- appointments, caring for loved ones, tending to your herb garden, whatever fills your days. When you’re on call, those things don’t pause just because a client goes into labor. Planning ahead gives you the freedom to be fully present when it matters most.
If you have children, set up reliable backup childcare and keep a go-bag ready for them. Arrange pet care, communicate with family or friends who might need to step in, and build flexibility into your schedule for last-minute calls.
The best practice is simple: make sure your life outside the birth space is tended to, so your heart and mind can be fully inside it.
After births: Schedule decompression time. Journal the story while it’s fresh. Debrief with a mentor or peer. Build rituals that help you return to yourself. Maybeit’s prayer, a warm shower, a quiet walk, or sitting in silence with a cup of tea.
Birthwork takes from your physical, emotional, and spiritual reserves. Systems are what keep you from pouring from an empty cup.
3. Your inner work shapes the space you hold.
Birth has a way of touching the tender parts of us- our own stories, our fears, our beliefs about safety and control. You can’t always predict which moment will stir something within you.
So, doing your own inner work-whether through therapy, somatic practice, journaling, or spiritual reflection- helps you stay anchored. It allows you to hold space for your clients without absorbing their pain or projecting your own.
The more self-aware you become, the more peaceful and present your energy will feel in a birthing room. Remember: your nervous system is part of the environment you bring into that space.
4. You are already enough.
Every new doula asks themselves the same question: Will I know what to do? And the answer, more often than not, is yes.
You’ve trained. You’ve practiced. You’ve cultivated empathy, intuition, and presence. Those are the very tools birth requires most.
You’ll keep growing. You’ll take more trainings, experience more births, refine your voice and how you doula. But even now, you have what it takes to make a profound difference in how someone experiences their birth.
Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. And above all, trust the Divine timing that placed you in each birth space you’re called to serve.
5. Birthwork will change you. Let it.
You might think you’re showing up to do this work, but the truth is: this work will also do something to you. It will humble you. It will stretch your capacity for compassion. It will deepen your faith- in the body, in the birthing process, and in the unseen wisdom guiding it all. Every birth teaches you something new about surrender, patience, and presence. Every family reminds you why this calling matters.
So when you walk into your next birth space, walk in as both a learner and a guide. Know that you are part of a lineage of community members and birthworkers who have held others through transformation- and that is something sacred.
Author: Asma Rahman, DSC Instructor, Certified Birth & Postpartum Doula
About the Author: Asma Rahman, DSC Instructor
Asma is a DSC Instructor and Certified Birth & Postpartum Doula, as well as a proud visible Muslim woman, activist, and mother of three. Passionate about accessible and faith-based birthwork, her approach is rooted in community care, advocacy, and anti-racism.
